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#Funny News

#Funny News

Sports Writer Flips Over Redskins Thanksgiving Game. But the Jokes on Him…

Posted: 22 Nov 2017 04:43 PM PST

Sports Writer Offended by Redskins

Today’s children aren’t allowed to play cowboys and Indians because the label “Indians” is offensive. Also cowboys are conservatives, which is almost worse (see Redskins Keep "Offensive" Name. Native Americans Don't Give a Rodent's Hind End…’ and Of Course! Canada Considers Banning 'Offensive' Cleveland Indians Uniforms). And you thought it was just an innocent kid’s game.

Oh and when discussing the offense behind the label “Indians,” leftists may also want to steer clear of using the word “engine” as well. Just thoughts.

A writer for The Nation magazine criticized the NFL for putting the Washington Redskins game on primetime on Thanksgiving.

Dave Zirin wrote that the “R*dskins” name is a “slur, a name that exists mainly because of genocide and displacement.”

“It’s as if NFL owners, by having Washington host this game, are having their own private joke,” Zirin wrote, adding “a league that celebrates racial slurs can never be an engine for social change.”

Engine. He said engine. Can we call them engines? How about peoples whose skin is red? Or people incapable of growing a beard? Or people fond of taking other people’s beards — and scalps?

Kimberly Guilfoyle said a recent study showed 90 percent of Native Americans didn’t actually find the “Redskins” name offensive.

Team owner Dan Snyder has maintained that he will never change the squad’s name.

The panel remarked that the evening-game tradition is not as storied as the two afternoon NFL games, and therefore helps the case that it is not an “inside joke” for the owners.

Yeah, no surprise there. The left keeps trying to champion for “special groups” which couldn’t give a flying fecal patty about these issues in the first place. It’s quite embarrassing.

But say, while we’re on the subject of – dare I say it – Indians…


GIVE THANKS: Unemployment Hits Impressive New Low. The Numbers…

Posted: 22 Nov 2017 04:31 PM PST

Unemployment numbers november

This Thanksgiving, there’s plenty to be thankful for. Smarmy liberals are still providing plenty of giggle material (see LOL: MSNBC Host Has No Idea Cameras Are Rolling. Hilarity Ensues! and Video: SNL HILARIOUSLY Mocks the Democratic Party’s ‘Comeback’). Also Hillary’s not President. Ode to joy.

Another nugget for which we can give many a thank? Unemployment is shrinking. Behold:

First-time jobless claims fell 13,000 to 239,000 last week, the Department of Labor reported Wednesday, more than the 9,000 drop economists expected.

“Claims remain low, even with a modest boost from delayed Hurricane-Maria-related fillings in Puerto Rico in recent weeks,” noted Jim O’Sullivan, economist for the forecasting group High Frequency Economics. “The data continue to signal enough strength in employment growth to keep the unemployment rate trending down.”

At 4.1 percent in October, unemployment is the lowest it has been since the year 2000.

Aaaand more good news.

The total number of people receiving unemployment benefits, which are available for up to 26 weeks in most states, stayed near the lowest levels in nearly 44 years in early November. Altogether, 1.9 million people collected benefits, a mark of the extent of the labor market recovery.

This is a nice change in pace from all the news of Hollywood rapery and political handsiness we’ve been forced to trudge through as of late. Feel free to bring up these numbers at the Thanksgiving table this year. And brush up on some facts for all your socialist cousins who will insist it was actually Obama who fixed the economy. Nonsense.


RAPE CULTURE: Pakistani Schools Are Not Safe for Boys…

Posted: 22 Nov 2017 04:25 PM PST

Muslim School Teachers Sodomized Boys

An advertisement for a Pakistani teaching job would go something like this: Are you an Islamic man with favorite pastimes of praying on doormats, explosive cloth construction, and the diddling of small children? We have the job for you! Those 40 virgins you’re promised in heaven? No one said they had to be females. Also if you work as a school teacher, you don’t have to wait for heaven. Benefits. An endless supply of young boys waits for you in the classroom. Sign up today.

AP is surprised to find hundreds of boys being sodomized in Pakistani schools. We’re not.

Kausar Parveen struggles through tears as she remembers the blood-soaked pants of her 9-year-old son, raped by a religious cleric. Each time she begins to speak, she stops, swallows hard, wipes her tears and begins again.

Sexual abuse is a pervasive and longstanding problem at madrassas in Pakistan, an AP investigation has found, from the sunbaked mud villages deep in its rural areas to the heart of its teeming cities. But in a culture where clerics are powerful and sexual abuse is a taboo subject, it is seldom discussed or even acknowledged in public.

It is even more seldom prosecuted. Police are often paid off not to pursue justice against clerics, victims’ families say.

The AP found hundreds of cases of sexual abuse by clerics reported in the past decade, and officials suspect there are many more within a far-reaching system that teaches at least 2 million children in Pakistan.

In 2004, a Pakistani official disclosed more than 500 complaints of sexual assaults against young boys in madrassas.

Another incident involved the drugging and gang rape of a 12-year-old boy asleep on his madrassa rooftop by former students. And the third was of a 10-year-old boy sodomized by the madrassa principal when he brought him his meal. The cleric threatened to kill the boy if he told.


stanley hudson unimpressed

These horrors are a staple of Islamic, Middle Eastern culture. When American kids get afternoon nap time, Pakistani children are subjected to afternoon rape time. You’d think this an issue to feminists who so desperately search for rape culture, but they’ve yet to stage a protest regarding the subject. Guess they’re too busy worrying about who Roger Ailes pawed at twenty years ago.


Sean Astin Talks Corey Feldman Allegations, Importance of Family

Posted: 22 Nov 2017 04:24 PM PST

Former Goonies co-stars Sean Astin and Corey Feldman have been doing a lot of press lately. Astin has been promoting season two of Stranger Things. Feldman… he’s been talking about exposing Hollywood’s underground pedophilia ring. Which lately doesn’t seem so underground.  And since Goonies never say die, Astin has been answering a lot of questions about his old friend.

This interview with Sam Roberts and LwC friend Jim Norton was particularly insightful. Two kids starred in one of the biggest movies of all time (anyone not alive in the 80s just don’t know) and yet took two entirely different career paths. Why is that?

I’ve been insulated my adult life. I’ve been married 26 years, been together with my wife for 27 1/2 years. That’s a center.

Watching Corey on the set of Goonies, and watching the lack of parental care for him, was horrifying. And we all loved and cared about him, but there’s only so much you can do.

I got lucky. I had parents who loved me. I had parents who cared about me. I had a father whose expectations of me were really specific. He really wanted me to go to college. Even if I got to act, he really wanted me to get that diploma and have that experience.

So, if I’m picking up what Astin is throwing down, he’s saying that having a strong family is the key? That’s funny, because it seems like most Hollywood leftists claim that family is whatever they say it is that week. Or they’re trying to murder it (see Liberals Now Say That ‘To Start a Family’ is ‘Loathsome’ and ‘Offensive’. No Joke…). Yet most of them are messed up in the head. And they are raising their kids – or at least the nanny’s and/or the Church of Scientology is – to be as messed up as they are.

Meanwhile, Astin, who has been with the same woman for close to 30 years, seems to be doing alright for himself.

Go figure.


North Korea Now Bans Thank You Notes. Yes, Really…

Posted: 22 Nov 2017 04:17 PM PST

North Korea Giving Cards

We interrupt your mother-made Thanksgiving meal to bring you news of a country no longer allowed to celebrate mothers. If you guessed North Korea, you’ve hit the turkey on the gobbler (see Just in Time for Christmas! Here's How North Korea is Banning Joy and Merriment… and North Korea Sentences Trump to Death. For Being a Big Meanie…). Citizens are officially banned from celebrating anyone besides creepy dead-panned pictures of the royal family. Not a joke.

This Thanksgiving, we’re thankful for democracy.

North Koreans can no longer express feelings of affection for their mothers on the country's Mother's Day celebration as they have reportedly been banned from writing “thank you” messages on bouquets of flowers given to mark the occasion.

"The regime has begun restricting the practice of attaching ribbons signifying a ‘thank you’ or ‘I love you’ since it encroaches upon the significance of cult-of-personality offerings of flower baskets in front of portraits [of former North Korean leaders Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il]," a North Korean resident told the Daily NK news website, a South Korea-based publisher that reports on North Korea via a network of anonymous sources in the country.

“It is really sad that people have to express thanks to ‘the father’ Kim Jong Un after every little thing he does, but we cannot express thanks to our actual mothers on Mother’s Day,” the source added.

In America, you thank your mother for being a swell mom on Mother’s Day. In Russia, mother thanks you. In North Korea, you best thank none other than the nation’s puffed up, dearest leader. Don’t like it? Too bad. You’re banished to your room. KIM JONG UN IS YOUR MOTHER NOW.


Trump Gives Thanks to God in Thanksgiving Proclamation. Obama Didn’t…

Posted: 22 Nov 2017 04:05 PM PST

Trump Gives Thanks to God

Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful. We hear it time and time again. But historically it’s also been a time when our nation’s presidents put their leaderly qualities on display. Usually with a humble sense of gratitude to the Lord. Lincoln proclaimed Thursday, November 23, 1863, as a national day of "Thanksgiving and praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens."

With World War II drawing to a victorious close, FDR wrote:

"…that we may bear more earnest witness to our gratitude to Almighty God, I suggest a nationwide reading of the Holy Scriptures during the period from Thanksgiving Day to Christmas."

Not everyone goes that route though. For example, President Obama's 2016 Thanksgiving proclamation did not mention the name "God" or "Almighty" in the text… While Obama's proclamation "gave thanks for all we have received in the past year," he neglected to specifically credit God for the source of those blessings.

Now, check out how Trump's proclamation begins:

"On Thanksgiving Day, as we have for nearly four centuries, Americans give thanks to Almighty God for our abundant blessings.  We gather with the people we love to show gratitude for our freedom, for our friends and families, and for the prosperous Nation we call home."

Trump even quotes from Lincoln's 1863 proclamation. Classy.

Lastly, Trump put a modern twist on FDR's 1944 proclamation, suggesting the nation thank God by reading the Holy Scriptures from Thanksgiving to Christmas.

You should do that. You should also watch this video to equip yourself with the facts this holiday season.


Confused About What IS and IS NOT Sexual Harassment? Let’s Break it Down…

Posted: 22 Nov 2017 03:48 PM PST

This is part one in a series. Not sure how many parts. It’ll be like Game of Thrones, but with harassment.

Last week a Twitter follower submitted what she believed was a simple request: please define sexual harassment in black and white terms. Twitter is not, despite the added characters allowing morons more room to word vomit, a great place to dissect the sexual morays of our culture. Nor is it the proper venue to discuss what defines sexual harassment, and what defines flirtation. So here we are.

Before we unzip our pants in a consensual environment, I must first beg for your indulgence. A number of assumptions are floating about the internet — and our time — like Louis CK’s misguided emissions. To adequately cover what I think sexual harassment is and isn’t, we must first cover a few bases with several prophylactics. They’re shaped like potted plants.

Also, trigger warning: double entendres galore. You’re now entering a sexual zone.

  1. Sexual harassment is real, despite it being a celebrated cause of feminist hog-beasts. In the past six weeks, I’ve noticed many sexual harassment allegations have been dismissed, not because of lack of merit or believability, but simply because “feminists are awful screech demons.” Just because a group of people, like third-wave feminists, act like rampaging boars, doesn’t mean we should automatically dismiss one of their causes. Multiple things can be true at once. Ashley Judd, for example, can be a crass sicko who you wouldn’t invite for dinner. But also a victim of Harvey Weinstein’s roaming pecker.
  2. Men and women are different. Hopefully you were in a seated position for that revelation. While our differences should be celebrated, they also create understanding gaps. Gaps which have become clear in the past six weeks of the Weinstein Effect. We need to spend more time listening to each other, less time engaging in pointless gender wars. Or dismissing one another.
  3. Women are sexually harassed, men are sexually harassed. Men are harassed by other men. Women are harassed by men. Women harass men. Women harass women. I need to cover this base lest I get a “BUT, BUT, EQUALITY!” hate tweet from someone who refuses to read the entire post. Or simply comments on Facebook, basing all of their assumptions on the title. Happens all the time.
  4. Life isn’t fair. Physical attraction is not fair. If at any point in this post you want to scream “That’s not fair!” don’t. The mating game wasn’t based on a set of rules written to protect your feelings or fairness. See also Sorry, Pajama Boy Leftists: Women Still Aren't Attracted to Weak-Ass Beta Males and OPINION: Sorry, Not Everyone is 'Beautiful.’ And That's a Good Thing.

To spare you a long read, here’s a simple formula for sexual harassment: Unequal Power x Inappropriateness + Lack of Consent = Sexual Harassment

Example: Your boss x In your boss’ office with no witnesses (talking about your body) + You’ve never given any indication of romantic interest = sexual harassment.

Another example: Your teacher x You’re underage + You’re too young to legally consent = sexual harassment (regardless of gender).

If you’re not sure if you’re simply flirting with someone, or harassing them, err on the side of not getting sued. Then learn how to read social cues.

Rather than writing a long essay, I’m going to open this up to the audience.

This is the prevailing question. In general, friendly banter is friendly banter. It should be friendly. Light. Bantery. Fun, not dangerous. Not disgusting. Not sexual.

The moment sexual suggestions come into the mix, it’s not friendly banter. Now it’s sexual, and maybe not even banter. And if it’s at work, inappropriate. Especially if the other person is uncomfortable (use your eyes, read body language and tone). Even more so if you’re in a position of greater work authority.

Most reasonable people will give a signal they’re done with the line of conversation. They’ll stop smiling. Or they’ll smile awkwardly. They’ll shift the conversation. Their tone will change. They may get up and leave. Or just leave.

Speaking from experience, if the banter devolves into areas that get weird, I stiffen up and move on. If it’s over the interent, I will not respond. If I do respond, I’ll call it out for being inappropriate. This is also known as a “cold shoulder.” I’m not going to file charges or talk to HR (unless you keep doing it, in which case now you’re harassing). But I won’t engage in banter with you again. Ever. If you can’t pick up on this cue, I’ll say “Knock it off” in some form or another. Rebuffing you is not encouragement to “try harder.” No means no. Again, read the signs. Brush up on social cues. Body language. Tone.

Telling you to fuck off is much harder if you’re my boss.

In general, if you’re not sure if it’s appropriate or not, it’s probably not. Don’t say it. Don’t say it at work. If you’re really confused, poll the audience (not Twitter, god) but real people. Including men and women. Who are not behind bars for rape.

Sexual harassment would probably vanish if people knew how to act like ladies and gentleman. But there seems to be a lot of confusion as to what that means…

More later…

~Written by Courtney Kirchoff

Sarah Silverman Meets Trump Supporters. Makes ‘Shocking’ Discovery…

Posted: 22 Nov 2017 01:57 PM PST

sarah silverman trump supporters

Sarah Silverman is usually spouting off like a parrot with cliche anti-Trumpery. You know, the usual. “Trump is a clean-shaven Hitler in orange face paint. Except meaner and more racist.”

Recently, she kicked back with a few MAGA peeps to see what their deal was. Which led to an unexpected discovery:

Comedian Sarah Silverman says that while producing her Hulu series, she met many supporters of President Trump and people with opinions different from her own — and had a “great time” with them.

"When you're one-on-one with someone who doesn't agree with you, or whose ideology is different than yours, when you're face-to-face, your porcupine needles go down," said Silverman.

"The surprise was … I fell in love with them. I had a great time with them and I felt comfortable.

Silverman said she always tries to be open and “engage with someone who is angry at me.”

“Because more than anything, all of us, what we have in common is, we want to feel seen. We want to feel like we exist,” she said.

Wait, Trump supporters are human?!

say what ron burgundy

What did Sarah think the MAGA people were going to be like? I suppose she was expecting burnt crosses, eyeholes in pillowcases, and frequent use of the N-word. But, not all Trump supporters are the banjo-playing kid from Deliverance. Just like not every leftist is a low-T Pajama Boy with a soy addiction.

Every partisan d-bag in ‘Murica has dehumanized the other side. Something conservatives are just as guilty of doing as leftists. Which brings us to the here and now. Where it’s an earth-shattering revelation to discover the other guys are mostly normal.

Believe it or not, people can disagree on pretty much everything and still be on friendly terms. A conservative can be friends with a vegan non-binary driver of Priuses. A leftist can pal around with a gun-toting good ol’ boy. Who knows, the two might even learn something from each other.

Speaking of that:


Video: Joe Rogan Drops Bomb on Political Tribalism

Posted: 22 Nov 2017 01:47 PM PST

The word tribalism gets thrown around a lot in 2017. It’s part of the holy trinity of political buzzwords, along with “virtue signaling” and “fake news.” In case you need a refresher, “tribalism” is a combination of when people can’t accept others having a different opinion, mixed with the inability to hold “your team” to the same standards as “the other team.” Otherwise known as Twitter, but with real people. IRL.

You already know Joe Rogan had something interesting to say about the topic. Listen to him discuss with fellow podcaster Dan Carlin.

You saw that with Hillary Clinton. There were so many people defending Hillary Clinton. [I had] people saying, “what are you, a right winger now?” No. Hillary Clinton is a f***ing liar. It’s really simple. I’m not saying I like Donald Trump, I don’t. But you can’t just, because you don’t like Donald Trump, ignore the fact that the Clinton Foundation is super f***ing shady. That Hillary Clinton is clearly a liar. That they definitely did something to rig the primaries to keep Bernie Sanders out.

It’s a real problem that we have in this country. Where people are just, “I’m a f’n Dolphins fan! It’s Dolphins to the death!” And they get that way with the Cubs. And they get that way with Democrats and Republicans. You’re seeing it right now where people have an inability to in any way say anything negative about Donald Trump.

Which brings us to this: OPINION: Real Americans are Loyal to Ideas, Not Politicians

A point. Joe has one. You’ve seen it this week; “I Hold Al Franken to a Different Standard Than I’ve Been Holding Roy Moore” Twitter has been absolutely lit. You’ve also seen it over the past eight years with a litany of “how to politicize holiday dinners and shame your old Republican uncle” clickbait. As you get your gingerbread spiced latte in your either grossly offensive or NOT PROGRESSIVE ENOUGH holiday cup from Starbucks.

As a side note, if my smug leftist cousin ever comes through for holiday dinner and started lecturing about health care or immigration reform, the turkey isn’t going to be the only thing with stuffing shoved up its ass.

And no, this isn’t a call to find common ground. For instance, one side respects the sanctity of life. The other thinks the sanctity of life is codeword for “I hate women.” There isn’t much common ground to be had.

But when you refuse to hold your own *side* to any standard, it’s impossible to hold the other side to any standard without sounding like a hypocrite.

Which is what the other side has most likely called you this week.


FLASHBACK: Watch the Infamous WKRP Turkey Drop… And Try Not to Laugh!

Posted: 22 Nov 2017 12:12 PM PST

Note the byline folks. I don’t have many Thanksgiving traditions. I sit on the porch with bourbon and a cigar and reflect on what I’m most thankful for. Mostly, bourbon. I drink my way through whatever lame football match ups are on and wonder what kind of a God would force his children to sit through Joe Buck talking. At some point, I eat. But the day is always started with reliving the infamous WKRP in Cincinnati Turkey Drop of 1978.

Since you and I both knew you were going to look for this video too:

Aaaand the money quote:

As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.

Quite frankly, that was the greatest marketing stunt this side of giving away a hand-etched mug with every annual subscription to the worlds greatest political comedy show.

From the web team here at LwC, have a Happy Thanksgiving!