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Thursday, November 30, 2017

#Funny News

#Funny News


Pervert Geraldo Rivera Defends Accused Pervert Matt Lauer. It’s a Trainwreck…

Posted: 29 Nov 2017 05:14 PM PST

Geraldo Lauer

Quick! Someone get Geraldo Rivera his meds. The lad’s off his rocker and his mouth just won’t stop flapping. Today he came to Matt Lauer's defense after the longtime "Today" host was fired from the network over sexual harassment complaints. Something Geraldo tends to get worked up about, apparently.

Ah, yes. So much flirtation going on. Especially the kind which is completely inappropriate in a workplace, unwarranted, and NOT reciprocated. Just ask Charlie Rose (see Multiple Women Come Forward to Accuse Charlie Rose of Sexual Harassment…).

On that we’re agreed (read Confused About What IS and IS NOT Sexual Harassment? Let’s Break it Down…). But there are a lot of assumptions being made here with little regard to victim testimonies or reports. Not to mention, Rivera has blindly thrown himself into the defense of men accused of sexual harassment before; including the former CEO and chairman of Fox News, who was forced out amid multiple accusations of misconduct.

Yeah, that’s one heck of a rebuttal. “Don’t listen to the haters!” doesn’t exactly add much to the discussion here.

Especially when it’s coming from the same dude in this video.

Aaaand I’ll just leave this here:

By the way, do yourself a favor and don’t Google image search “Geraldo Rivera.” Lest you want your eyes to be assaulted by his naked selfies. Somehow I get the feeling his opinion on sexual harassment may be a bit biased.

If Geraldo truly wants to help out his fellow creeps, maybe he should consider closing his shart gasket for once. You know, avoid tainting the situation further by tossing his unusually veiny self into the mix.

But you know what they say, pervs of a feather flock together and whatnot.

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Top 5 Sexual Assault Allegations of JUST Today…

Posted: 29 Nov 2017 04:29 PM PST

Top 5 Sexual Assault Allegations Today

There are so many creepy crinkle bags out there, it’s easy to get confused about who was accused of sexual assault today and who wasn’t. Of course, that doesn’t negate who is going to be accused. Just wait an hour.

Here’s today’s list. So far.

1. Matt Lauer

Fired promptly after allegations were drawn. NBC is acting swiftly and, dare I say it, professionally. They have to, considering their growing pod of pervs. I didn’t know they made terrariums for this species. Viewing windows are conveniently located in the living room of every American.

He joins:

  1. Matt Zimmerman – NBC senior vice president
  2. Mark Halperin – NBC senior political analyst

2. Andrew Kreisberg

Warner Bros. producer whose best-known works are the Flash, Supergirl, and Arrow – television which tends to have sub par acting skills. Mayhaps because actors are too distracted dodging Kreisberg’s complimentary lip moisturizer.

  • Accused by nineteen women AND men
  • Victims are current or former employees of shows Kreisberg executive produced
  • Accusations include inappropriate touching, kissing, and requests for massages
  • Erratically (or erectly) fired writing staff every season of the Flash

3. David Sweeney

Chief news editor for NPR. The organization now faces more problems than just insufferably snobbish, dry reporting.

  • Accusations come from 3 current and former employees
  • Included two accounts of forcible kissing
  • Follows allegations against NPR news chief Michael Oreske

NPR editor Lauren Hodges — who alleged Sweeney gave her unsolicited gifts and attention when he worked as her supervisor — said she hopes the outcome of the review “provides a loud, clear message to anyone struggling with harassment.”

4. Teddy Davis

Senior producer at CNN, fired shortly after he was accused of making colleagues uncomfortable. I know, I know, that could mean anything from playing pranks in the style of Jim Halpert to an undue amount of BO. No news on if the stench was actually him or CNN as an organization.

According to a source at CNN, the network’s internal investigation into Davis surfaced instances of the ousted producer making fellow colleagues uncomfortable. There were no reports of physical or sexual assault.

5. Garrison Keillor

Radio show host on Minnesota Public Radio (MPR). Notice the public entities have a recurring pattern here. Government spaces offer a moist environment for scummy microbes to breed in record numbers.

"I meant to pat her back after she told me about her unhappiness, and her shirt was open and my hand went up it about six inches. She recoiled. I apologized," Keillor told the newspaper in an email. "I sent her an email of apology later, and she replied that she had forgiven me and not to think about it. We were friends. We continued to be friendly right up until her lawyer called."

Riiiiiight. “Accidentally.”

6. [Insert next allegation here ___________]

We’re just leaving this space for you to come back and pen in later. In permanent marker. On your computer screen. Do it. Okay, fine. Use dry erase marker. It’ll be easier to update every day.

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Lauren Southern Challenges Feminists: Women’s Rights or Islam?

Posted: 29 Nov 2017 02:39 PM PST

The fair-skinned oppressor returns! Conservative Lauren Southern is meddling with feminists again. This time she left them shocked and dumbfounded with a simple “would you rather” question — women’s rights or Islam?

Let the hysteria commence:

You’d think the answer simple enough. Alas, here we are…

Firstly, major kudos to Lauren for being brave enough to stand amid that herd of belligerent bovines. We’ve seen the destructive stompage they leave in their wake when spooked by atrocities such as logic or facts (see ‘Peaceful’ Feminist Protester Lights Trump Supporter’s Hair on Fire and WATCH: ‘Tolerant’ Hollywood Liberals Assault Conservative Blaire White).

The most disturbing part of all this? The sheer number of wild-eyed, ill-defined moon faces lacking any semblance of bone structure. But also the fact that out of ALL those feminists who claim to champion women’s rights, only one was willing to pick Islam over said rights. One.

Methinks the answers would be much different if the question were, say, oh I don’t know, Christianity or women’s rights. But what do I know.

Chris Farley Idiot Stupid Gif

Political correctness has programmed modern feminists to prioritize Islam over the rights they pretend to hold so dear. This blatant hypocrisy is becoming a staple among feminists. A few examples:

‘Big Bang Theory’ Star Calls Out Feminist Hypocrites: STOP Ignoring Islam’s Abuse of Women

HILARIOUS CARTOON: Feminists Love Islamists

New Study Shows Which Countries Have the WORST Gender Pay Gap. Feminists Remain Silent. Guess Why…

Video Perfectly Explains Why Hypocrite Feminists Ignore Islam’s Abuse of Women

The ball is in their court. Feminists can never be relevant until they address Islam’s real rape culture.

Of course, I wouldn’t hold my breath…

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Oops! The New York Times Just Exposed Their Own Bias. Majorly…

Posted: 29 Nov 2017 11:13 AM PST

NYT Bias

The New York Times has long been struggling to conceal their giant, bulbous bias. Much like “skinny” jeans desperately try to conceal Tess Holiday’s egregious thighs. Once in a while the Times will give us something fair to work with (see ‘Leftists are Intolerant,’ Says… the New York Times?!). But in terms of evenhandedness, they just shred any last sliver of credibility with this gem:

I know, I know. This is coming from the NYT Opinion account. Except… What’s this?

Thanks for clearing that up!

Here’s the thing, the Times just went all in on activism. This isn’t simply a thought-provoking column meant to challenge you on the subject. And it’s not even the “Opinion” staff who’s responsible for doing all this. It’s the Editorial Board, as in the same Editorial Board who controls the entire publication.

The bias is thicker than Tim Kaine’s eyebrows. Possibly more lopsided too. There was a time where journalism and activism were two different things. But hey, it’s 2017 now. The year which boasts such hits as: THUG LIFE: Donald Trump Body Slams BuzzFeed, CNN For Fake Russian ‘Report’ and EXPOSED: CNN Caught Staging ‘Muslim Protest’ on Camera

It’s no wonder people are fed up with the media.

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Late Night Shows Ratings are Dropping. Hard…

Posted: 29 Nov 2017 11:04 AM PST

Late Night Ratings Take a Hit

Late night comedy has become America’s source for condescending political commentary (see LOL: Jimmy Kimmel Doesn't Get Why People Don't Like His Political Rants. Yes, Really…). People used to turn to late night to relieve anxiety-ridden insomnia caused by biased, dramatic, overly sensitive media. Except now they get Kimmel crying over healthcare. If Johnny Carson wasn’t already dead, Kimmel’s tears would’ve done him in. Via drowning.

For late night shows, the laughs aren’t there. Neither are the viewers:

Fallon still leads Colbert and ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel in the 18–49 demographic by on average 90,000 viewers per night. But despite being the youngest late-night host, Fallon’s share of the 18–49 demographic dropped by 26 percent in the Fall.

All three networks have lost viewers in this area, according to the report, but Fallon’s drop was the most significant.

Everyone lost viewers. The report was not “Kimmel surges past Fallon!” or “Colbert BLASTS Fallon!” in the ratings. No, the race is who reaches the bottom last.

Ratings drops are common when, rather than telling jokes, you read DNC memos. Not even bothering to put them on cue cards. Just reading directly from the winkled fax.

These new ratings, even shittier than before, will not change the course for these titans of irrelevance. Blundering along the merry highway, dodging jokes like Michael Moore dodges Weight Watchers, they’ll likely double down after this report. If you think they’re unfunny now, wait until they get desperate. It’ll be like watching a line up of blue-haired feminists sporting swimwear for charity. Then crowdfunding a calendar for a vomitorium nearest you.

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FLASHBACK: Katie Couric Outs Matt Lauer as an Ass Grabber. In 2012.

Posted: 29 Nov 2017 10:09 AM PST

If you don’t want to get caught doing a bad thing, don’t do the bad thing. This rule also applies to on-air talent with with a long-running history of pinching unsuspecting butts. Here’s looking at you, Matt “Handsy” Lauer.

Behold, a 2012 video running a victory lap (for obvious reasons) wherein Katie Couric dishes on Matt Lauer pinching her badunkadunk.

A number of things:

  • Earlier in the segment, Katie played a game “Marry, Shag, Kill.” She was given three hosts to assign to each action. Bryant Gumbel shag, Matt Lauer marry, Dan Rather kill. Please note this is within the context of the game. It is not a dog-whistle that Couric wants to actually wed Matt Lauer.
  • ….and in the next segment, of all Lauer’s annoying habits, grabbing her ass was the worst. Meaning she didn’t like it.
  • Some in the audience were uncomfortable, others laughed.
  • Bravo’s host laughed it off. Prompting Couric to laugh.
  • Yes, Couric is a leftist shill. Yes, she’s a terrible person on guns. Yes, Matt Lauer may have grabbed her ass in a nonconsensual manner. Multiple things can be true at once. Let’s not get mired down in tedious, tribal details.

If Matt Lauer was grabbing the ass of Katie Couric, hardly a novice in the journalism business, and doing so openly (where people on Bravo laughed it off) is it a Pelosi-style face stretch to believe he engaged in creepy misconduct off camera? Say with younger staff? Does a socialist demand all your money?

Powerful media trolls of the handsy kind can no longer hide from their grabby ways. How many more women will reveal Matt Lauer shared a little too much of himself? Pro-tip to Matt: focus on revealing stories. Not your pecker. That is if it’s big enough to even be seen with the naked eye.

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Texas College Paper Tells White Students ‘Your DNA is an Abomination…’

Posted: 29 Nov 2017 08:58 AM PST

College Article Calls White DNA an Abomination

Step aside, Hitler. You have a contender in the arena of strangely worded propaganda calling for the extermination of a race. But this writing isn’t backlogged in some historical library stack. No, it’s in a poorly edited college-crap paper College TA Secretly Records Disciplinary Meeting After Sharing Jordan Peterson Clip. It's Pure Fascism… and [Video] College Calls the Cops on Radio Show Hosts. For 'Hate Speech…'). A Texas paper.

The following was published by Texas State University, sent via a loyal fan:

Some snippits:

You were not born white, you became white. You actively remain white. You are estranged from yourself and, in that absence, have been instilled with an allegiance to a country that was never great.

A country which has given Rudy Martinez, the writer, a platform to post his hateful drivel freely. Expressing a different opinion like this, say in Venezuela or North Korea, might get him killed. In America he receives news coverage. And little else.

Your heartbeat does not speed up when you get pulled over and find yourself staring at the red-and-blue lights of the fascist foot soldiers we call the police. You don’t leave your home wondering if you will ever come back.

Clearly, this charming young man hasn’t consulted any white beings on their experience of being pulled to the curb. Take for example WATCH: Democratic Lawmaker Has HILARIOUS, Crazy Meltdown. Over a Speeding Ticket! Panic attacks affect all levels of melanin. But thanks for playing.

Whiteness will be over because we want it to be. And when it dies, there will be millions of cultural zombies aimlessly wandering across a vastly changed landscape.

Well, at least he acknowledges white people can have culture. Most lefties say white people’s only thing is video games, sweater vests, and an unhealthy obsession with Game of Thrones. The latter might be true.

Ontologically speaking, white death will mean liberation for all. Until then, remember I hate you because you shouldn’t exist. You are both the dominant apparatus on the planet and the void in which all other cultures, upon meeting you, die.

Okay, so that got kind of dark. Martinez openly expresses hatred at the existence of “whiteness” and softly calls for the extermination of whiteness. Gosh, kind of sounds like genocide.

Quick way to tell if something is racist. Replace “whiteness” with “blackness.” Imagine a paper saying “Black death will mean liberation for all.” Imagine the blind outrage it would cause.

While Martinez loathes whiteness, notice how privileged he is in lamenting it. He takes a purely racist standpoint, and not only screams it, he was published by a college paper in Texas. Seems the real privilege isn’t “whiteness” at all, no?

The left has no problem revealing who they really are: hateful actual racists.

~ Written by Nichole Cooper and Courtney Kirchoff

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Marvel Drops ‘Avengers: Infinity War’ Trailer

Posted: 29 Nov 2017 08:40 AM PST

Me: The new Infinity War Trailer just dropped.
Editor: I thought that was yesterday.
Me: No, that was the trailer for people excited as they watched the trailer.
Editor: It’s shocking none of these people have kissed a girl before.

Steady your nerdrections. Call your favorite DC Comics geek and prepare to make fun his mother. Marvel finally dropped the first Avengers: Infinity War Trailer. Ten years of movies existing just to set up other movies. Ten years of the DCU ripping off Marvel and still not getting it quite right. It’s finally happening. Thanos is finally getting the Infinity Gauntlet and declaring war on Earth.

The movie stars Chris Pratt (see Chris Pratt: 'Hollywood is Out of Touch with Blue Collar Americans…' and Chris Pratt: 'I Only Eat What I Kill.' Vegans Freak…) and about 217 other people.

infinity gauntlet

Granted he’s not Henry Cavill, but I still like to stay in my editor-in-chief’s good graces…

Let’s take a look at the trailer:

Let’s be honest. This movie has already had my $20 ever since the first Avengers. If I sound like I’m too mocking of comic geeks, it’s because we can smell our own. Though some of us need to switch to a new deodorant. Or, any deodorant.

It’s a teaser. An over hyped-teaser that doesn’t show much, but gives just enough for fanboys to download in their trousers. And even as an overhyped trailer, it was still more entertaining than Justice League. Don’t @ me. Just sit there puffing away on your inhaler while your mom makes you pizza rolls. You know I’m right.

Avengers: Infinity Gauntlet drops in May 2018.

At least it didn’t go this route:

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Ted Cruz Scorches Bernie’s Tax Plan: When He Says ‘Rich’ He Means ‘Taxpayer!’ [Video]

Posted: 29 Nov 2017 07:42 AM PST

I love the smell of charred socialist flesh in the morning. Ted Cruz lit up Bernie again (see Ted Cruz Asks Maria Cantwell for Difference Between Democrat vs Socialist). This time nailing Bernie for what “rich” actually means. Hint: everyone who pays taxes.

Someone prep a hospital bed: Bernie Sanders needs all the lotion on his skin. He’ll join a socialistic healthcare burn unit and die of gangrene.

CRUZ: When they say rich, they mean taxpayer. Why is it? It’s because the very rich, there aren’t enough of them.His tax plan was a massive tax increase. If you took every single person in America making over a million dollars, and you tax them 100% of their income… it would pay 8% of the cost of Bernie’s tax plan. You know where they get their money? They get it from you. They get it from the middle class.

I’ll give a quote from Bernie in the last debate…

So yes, to answer your question, Jake, if we can explain to people, yeah, you’re going to be paying more in taxes… everybody will pay some more.

So, you’re a single mom working? He says you’re gonna pay some more. You’re a small business owner? He says you’re gonna pay some more. And the reason is there aren’t enough millionaires and billionaires to pay for all the socialism that Bernie and the Democrats want to give away.

SANDERS: This is why politics in America stinks.

CRUZ: Thank you!

Democrats are like the candy man. Promising all the edibles in the world if you step into their windowless vehicle of socialism. Behold, those brownies were baked by Harvey Weinstein. They contains a few “special” ingredients. Just not the ones you were promised.

“The rich” to the left is anyone who earns a decent income. Where “decent” can be redefined at will. If you make money in this country, you need to pay more in taxes. According to socialists like Bernie Sanders. Because if you make money, you need to give that money to people who don’t make money. “Fairness” is a socialist’s way of taking your cash at gunpoint. So they can feel better about themselves as they pistol whip you. Pay up, citizen. Do it for your country.

~Written by Courtney Kirchoff and Nichole Cooper

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Ted Cruz Asks Maria Cantwell for Difference Between Democrat vs Socialist

Posted: 29 Nov 2017 07:01 AM PST

CNN spiced up their Ted Cruz/Bernie Sanders debates by allowing both to bring a posse. Cruz chose Sen. Tim Scott. Bernie? He chose Sen. Maria Cantwell. Cute.

Spoiler alert: Ted Cruz laid out facts. Bernie Sanders laid out feelings.

There was one question Bernie hasn’t yet answered. Cruz was hoping Sen. Cantwell might enlighten people. Democrats vs Socialist. What’s the difference?

CRUZ: I’d like to ask you a question that I asked Bernie last time. Since this is a tax debate, what is the difference between a Democrat and a Socialist on taxes?

CANTWELL: I really though about this issue of your trying to divide the Democrats, but we’re a big tent party. And there’s room for Bernie and there’s room for me.

Shorter Cantwell:

Because there isn’t a difference. Democrats just don’t want to admit it. Optics. It’s a thing.

She then regaled the uninterested audience about Seattle small businessmen. Big mistake. Huge. If she thought citing Seattle was a swell idea (see Research Shows Seattle's Minimum Wage Hike Was a Huge Mistake and Seattle Spent More Money Defending Their Gun Tax Than They Collected From It), there’s room for her and Bernie in the Democrat Party. Except there will be plenty if infighting over how to spend the limited taxes collected by everyone who earns money, under that big tent. A fight we can avoid if we toss in an attractive lady. All the Democrats will fight over who gets to grope her first. That is, it seems, the Democrat way. Al Franken will bring his own photographer. Matt Lauer can report.

Democrats and socialists. There is no spoon.

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