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#Funny News

#Funny News

A Fat SJW Walks Into a Gun Store. Hilarity Ensues…

Posted: 08 Jan 2018 05:41 PM PST

This is the modern day equivalent of Al Bundy’s “a fat woman walked into the shoe store….” So, a fat SJW walked in to a gun store a few months ago. Unbeknownst to “her” (I think it’s a her), the store had a pretty thorough security camera system. And a Facebook page.

Watch the video, which is actually from a few months ago. It’s starts with Antifa Annie mistaking a flag for a Nazi flag. It ends with Bibles being thrown on the roof. Crazy? Undoubtedly. But let it be a way to unwind after  a day’s worth of Golden Globes stories (see Natalie Portmann Delivers BITTER Response to”All Male” Director Nominees… and Actress Wears “Anti-Poverty” Shirt to Golden Globes. Guess How Much…).

And the cops get involved.

Yeah, that’s a real human being. Although the gender is still quite uncertain. Regardless, feel free to laugh at this anti-gun slug. It’s not a hate crime yet.

She (?) probably scuttled back to her Antifa friends and bragged about how she so totally “owned” a gun Nazi.

Her friends, of course, being the 14 cats she (?) lives with.


Federal Court Upholds Law Allowing Businesses the Right to Refuse Same-Sex Services

Posted: 08 Jan 2018 05:35 PM PST

Federal Court Denies Service Same Sex

As leftists move to make Oprah the next president and Costco cards the new green cards, we discovered a hopeful diamond in the rough newsfeed. Mississippi was just dealt a steaming plate of truth nuggets with the Supreme Court’s refusal to review a law upholding religious freedoms. Hope is alive for the children.

At this time we’re glad for sane judges, the right to refuse service, and gay fashion advice.

The Supreme Court is refusing to intervene in a legal fight over a Mississippi law that lets government workers and private business people cite their own religious beliefs to deny services to LGBT people.

Opponents say the law could lead to discrimination against those who support same-sex marriage.

The justices did not comment Monday in their decision to leave in place a federal appeals court ruling that allowed the law to take effect. A three-judge panel held that the law’s challengers failed to show they would be harmed by it.

The law says it protects three beliefs: that marriage is only between a man and a woman, that sex should only occur in such a marriage and that a person’s gender is determined at birth and cannot be altered.

This law doesn’t mean gays can’t get married. The legislation merely says homosexuals should seek marital services away from fundamental Christian chapels. Uncommon sense. And instead of that Muslim bakery, try the one owned by Sikhs. Then they can get the ethnic turban experience while ordering their chocolate, glitter-icing, wedding cake.

Restrictions on fostering/adoption of children by Sally and Sherry may also be limited. Meaning children wouldn’t have to endure blatant child abuse encouraged by society (see Letting Children Transition is Child Abuse Says American College of Pediatricians).

Just as with marriage, compromise is necessary in preserving rights. The LGBTQAAIP (silent F) community has the right to date, marry, and consummate. It’s their constitutional holdings. They don’t have the right, however, to stuff their glittered sequined tux down our face orifices.

And now, we present a discussion with a real-life gay. In the flesh. Complete with high-pitched vocal usage.


Golden Globes #TimesUp Put on Blast By Jenna Jameson

Posted: 08 Jan 2018 05:26 PM PST

The Golden Globes are over, but apparently it’s not #TimesUp on cringey overreactions from the left. Someone not amused by the man-hating spectacle? Jenna Jameson.

That’s right, a former porn star just called leftists out, and she’s right. She feels the same way a lot of us do. We’re seeing two kinds of people in America right now: One group is celebrities who think they are freedom fighters, plus their slobbering fans. The other group is the rest of us who think they’re full of bull plop. Mainly because most of them are full of bull plop.

This tweet brings up a really good point though:

Excellent question. Were they busy? Maybe Rose McGowan was fighting with Twitter terms and services again. Maybe it was Mira Sorvino’s turn to make sure her father didn’t sneak out of the house a with a baseball bat and a few of his “associates.” Having Sorvino and McGowan there would have actually sent an ACTUAL powerful message.

But that’s not what last night was about. Last night was for Harvey Weinstein’s associates to bury the fact that they all knew and didn’t do a single thing.


Rape culture was with us all a long. It was just burrowed in Hollywood.


James Damore Sues Google for Discrimination. The Details…

Posted: 08 Jan 2018 05:11 PM PST

James Damore Google Lawsuit

Remember James Damore? He’s the chap who Google gave the non-gendered boot to. All for making accurate biological statements (see Google Employee Writes Reasonable Anti-SJW Memo. Outraged Leftists Call for His Head…). The nerve on his engineer mind! His memo triggered many a leftist whinebag over at Google. Now he’s about to trigger even more with his new lawsuit.

Your butts. You’ll want to hold onto them for this.

James Damore … has filed a class action lawsuit against the company in Santa Clara Superior Court in Northern California. His claims: that Google unfairly discriminates against white men whose political views are unpopular with its executives.

Damore is joined in the 161-page suit by another former Google engineer named David Gudeman, who spent three years with Google working on a query engine.

According to his filing, Google employs "illegal hiring quotas to fill its desired percentages of women and favored minority candidates, and openly shames managers of business units who fail to meet their  quotas—in the process, openly denigrating male and Caucasian employees as less favored than others."

The lawsuit is seeking monetary, non-monetary and punitive remedies.

In a press conference this afternoon, Damore's attorney, Harmeet Dhillon, a California representative for the Republican National Committee, elaborated more on the very lengthy complaint and argued that her current clients are far from alone. In fact, she said she spoke with "dozens" of employees at Google to formulate the lawsuit and that she expects there will be "future lawsuits" to explore, as well.

This is the kind of struggle one can expect after a company thrusts itself into the political realm. When it comes to thought policing, Google is a major offender (see Google/Twitter Officially Agree To Censor Speech in Germany… and Facebook, Google Co-Sponsoring Protest of Women’s Clinic. For NOT Providing Abortions…). It was only a matter of time until someone spoke up. Then lawyered up.

It’s uncertain what exactly Damore will gain from this lawsuit. Or what he even expects to gain from it. But what’s clear is this: Google wants to staff itself to the brim with leftist clones of different skin colors (preferably not white) and different genders (preferably not cis-male). Turns out being progressive doesn’t magically save companies from lawsuits. Just like being body positive doesn’t magically transform curdled thighs into Sports Illustrated cover material. Sorry leftists.

There’s a few things Google loves — mostly logos which may have been drawn by a blind, handless infant. Terrible font choices. Indoor playgrounds for adults. But also stomping out diversity of thought. More on that below:


Bundys Walk After Insufferable Federal Prosecutors Hide Evidence…

Posted: 08 Jan 2018 04:11 PM PST

Bundys Win Trial

The federal government got a steel knuckled slap across the facial area today, continuing their four-year-long beating. Remember the Bundys? We sure do. They flipped the bird to Uncle Sam in 2014, refusing to pay a fine to graze cattle on “federal land” which lead to widespread coverage. If you Google “takes no sh*t from the government,” you’ll find search results for the Bundys.

The Bundy case was just dismissed permanently after it was discovered the prosecution was hiding evidence. Typical.

A federal judge ruled Monday that the federal government may not retry Cliven Bundy and his sons after rebuking prosecutors for withholding evidence during their felony trial stemming from an armed standoff four years ago.

U.S. District Court Judge Gloria Navarro declared a mistrial in the case last month, saying federal prosecutors willfully withheld evidence that lawyers for the Bundys and alleged co-conspirator Ryan Payne should have had access to while mounting their defense.

She said the attorneys were in violation of the Brady rule, which requires prosecutors to disclose evidence that could be favorable to a defendant, and told them it wasn’t possible to proceed with the case.

On Monday, she dismissed the case “with prejudice,” meaning the government cannot retry the defendants. “The court finds that the universal sense of justice has been violated,” Navarro said.

The case has fueled anger and mistrust among groups that view the federal government as overzealous and overreaching in using its power and authority to squash free speech and states’ rights.

Now, we aren’t saying people should evade their taxes, shoot at law enforcement, or risk their lives for a few moo-moos. We’re saying the government made a massive screw up here. Clearly, America didn’t get the entire picture book about the standoff. Instead we got misleading headlines.

The Bundys wanted to make a statement that the feds overreach when it comes to jurisdiction. And just about everything else. The government then enforced that stereotype by hiding evidence which may help their defense. Such a sweeping verdict doesn’t come lightly. The proof is in the pudding of gunpowder, mud, and sweat. Though we aren’t allowed to see the proof, because of course.

You don’t have to be fans of the Bundys to see the issue at hand here. The longevity and insufferable nature of the Bundy case demonstrates government’s innate need to overreach their bounds. Liberals want to continue to stretch that grabby hand to universal healthcare, college, and baby mutilation. No thanks.

We don’t have to argue our point very hard, the government does it for us. Just sit back, relax, and laugh your blessed petunia off at their utter failure. Speaking of which…


Top 5 Most Cringey #Oprah2020 Reactions

Posted: 08 Jan 2018 01:11 PM PST

Oprah Top 5

Last night during the Golden Globes, Oprah’s self-important speech had people demanding she run in the 2020 presidential election. If you watched the awards show, what is wrong with you? You can never get those hours of your life back. Wasteful. Children in Africa could have used those hours to find water before waking up on the other side of the ground.

I sat through the entirety of Oprah’s speech. I almost nodded off on account it was 9 minutes long. Like she didn’t prepare for that. We’ll give Oprah one thing: she’s well spoken. Now the interwebs are exploding with dragon-sized accolades for the idealist.

1. NBC Cockalorums

About her discussion on the attack of the media. They fired the first, second, third… and 1,000th shot. The media is as unbiased as “The Rock” is a vegan.

2. CNN Live Updates

CNN has the tendency to open every news story with, “just in, breaking, or developing” (see Crowder's 16-Hour CNN Torture Livestream Christmas Special!). It’s their best effort at getting the attention of their remaining three viewers.

It follows their character to give live updates on Oprah’s hint at a 2020 election run. Pay no minds to real-world issues like the MS-13 gang, human trafficking, or the tar heroin epidemic.

Or people dying. They save that slot for after the Diet Coke special and before the Trump-resembling dog ear discussion.

3. Reese Witherspoon

This would be hilarious if it were satire. As reality, it’s fresh cut onions in the eyes of self-respecting Americans. Those who attended the “Shining Sphere Awards” have fostered a fairly rapish culture. Thus the proclamations of support on social media and loud clapping. Maybe if they slam their palms together hard enough, it’ll purge the guilt from their corrupt souls.

Oprah Clapping

4. Ava DuVernay

If you don’t know who this person is, that’s okay. Neither do I. Google told me she was the director of the film “Salem.” I remember seeing something about that in a Rotten Tomatoes review.

This lady could be one of those “woman directors” Natalie Portmann was so persistent about giving exposure. Funny thing is, if she was worth exposing, she would have done it herself. That came out wrong. Especially in the light of the #MeToo movement. I’m so insensitive.

5. Kamala Harris

The last horizon I heard Opera talk about was the ability to eat bread and lose a few inches while still remaining fat.

I love bread

I’d actually call that a sunset on the good years. When I first read this tweet, I thought it was from some looney who was summarizing the Oprah speech. I didn’t realize she was quoting it. I also neglected to bring my harmonica to join along in her rendition of kumbaya.

Oprah Singing

Out of all the fantastical worlds leftists have created, Oprah has been encouraging irrational brain titillating the longest. She loves socialism. Giving everyone free stuff. That, or she knows no one will buy her books themselves. You get kindling, and you get kindling, and you get kindling.

Summary of it all? Leftists are so desperate to have a politician who isn’t too old or too busy riding broomsticks to run a good election. They want someone to fix everything. They need mama to kiss their boo-boos.

The left has chosen Oprah. It’s not as obnoxious as it is pathetic.

Oprah Crying


WATCH: ‘Fire and Fury’ Author Tries to Claim he has no Political Agenda…

Posted: 08 Jan 2018 12:45 PM PST

Fire and Fury, the book by creeptastic Dr. Evil doppelgänger Michael Wolff, is what’s hot on the streets at the moment. It’s the book claiming Trump is a universally despised, illiterate pea-brain with mental issues. Leftists, the author included, were touting it as a death blow to Trump. Except most of the stories are giant lies. The backlash is prompting the author to backtrack and claim impartiality.

For reals:

Liberal journalist Michael Wolff, the man who has bragged that his new book will "finally bring down" the Trump presidency, on Monday absurdly insisted that he has "no political agenda." To which CBS This Morning co-host Norah O'Donnell responded, "Fair enough. Fair enough."

This came seconds after Wolff mocked Trump as stupid: "I can reliably say Donald Trump has never read a work of fiction." He then claimed, "But the important point I want to make is this book is not about my impression of the President. I came into this with no agenda. I continue to have no political agenda."

de niro goodfellas stupid

Just the other day, author-man was hyping up his book as the death knell for the Trump presidency. Now that his bullhickey is being picked apart by everyone everywhere, including former heads of state? “Oh hey guys! There’s no left-wing angle. I promise! I was just reporting the news as I saw it.” Have you ever seen a bigger douchetastic dunce in your life?

frank reynolds nope

The left built this book up to be the beginning of the end for the Trumpinator. Now that things aren’t really playing out that way, they’re trying to flip the script. Not gonna work, peeps. The internet is forever. Your lies aren’t going to fool us.

Speaking of that:


Now the U.K. is Suffering from a ‘Knife Violence’ Epidemic…

Posted: 08 Jan 2018 12:41 PM PST

knife control uk

U.K. peeps said bye-bye to their hand-cannons a long time ago. Gun bans were going to make crime a thing of the past and Miss America’s dreams of peace and love a reality. Except, that’s not how the real world works. Instead, crooks swapped their blasters for knives and kept right on crooking. Now, the government is calling “knife violence” an epidemic.

The head of Scotland Yard has thrown her weight behind the idea that knife crime should be treated as a public health crisis rather than purely a crime.

Speaking to the London assembly, Cressida Dick argued that persistent levels of knife-related violence required a preventative program to help reduce the number of deaths and injuries from attacks.

Her comments came only days before three fatal attacks on New Year's Eve and a fourth on New Year's Day, killings that pushed the total number of fatal stabbings last year in London to 80.

"I know that the government have a cross-departmental committee that meets to talk about violent crime, knife crime – the seeds are there. But this is something that goes beyond the Home Office, way beyond policing. It is a public health issue, it's an epidemic."

austin powers come again

Is it just me, or does that sound like the beginnings of knife control. Poor Britons. Pretty soon, there’s going to need a background check, length and sharpness restrictions, and a fourteen day waiting period. Just to chop up your steak.

I thought gun control was supposed to end violence altogether and usher in world peace. Seeing as high-capacity lead-slinging devices hypnotize people into taking up lives of crime. You mean to tell me the criminal dickweeds traded in their gats for blades instead of retiring and turning to Christ?

that's insane

This just goes to show leftists never learn their lesson. Violence will always be a thing, no matter the tool. Regulating acid and banning youtube videos are exercises in futility.

While we’re on the subject:


Washington Post: Costco Cards and Loving the Boston Red Sox Equals Citizenship

Posted: 08 Jan 2018 10:20 AM PST

Washington Post Thinks a Costco Card Equal American Citizenship

What makes a person an American? According to the Washington Post, a Costco card. Middle finger to laws. Who wants those? Surely not illegals or murderers (see MS-13 Gang Members Busted for Gruesome Murders. Guess How Many are Legal Citizens…). Costco cards should replace all forms of paperwork. Sharpened, they also make good weaponry.

Leftists are up in limp-noodle arms over Trump’s latest immigration decision. An example:

Oscar Cortez feels like he has an ordinary American life. He carries a Costco card. He roots for the Boston Red Sox. And five days a week, he rises before dawn, pulls on four shirts and two pairs of pants, and ventures into the frigid air to work as a plumber, a good job that pays for his Maryland townhouse and his daughters' college fund.

Again, what constitutes an American life? Liking baseball and stuffing oneself with apple pie apparently. Buying things in bulk. Is it idiotic to become a legal resident instead of staying on temporary status for 17 years? These are the questions.

The U.S. government opened the door to this life in 2001 when they granted Cortez and about 200,000 other migrants from El Salvador Temporary Protected Status (TPS), a provisional relief from deportation that has allowed them to work legally in the United States for 17 years. On Monday, according to multiple people briefed on the plans, the federal government will take it away.

dawson crying

Side note: bad things come from El Salvador. Rape, drugs, shootery, poor tattooing skills. You name it, they’ve stabbed it with a melted Costco card.

Salvadorans are the largest group with the status, and the impact of taking it away would be wide-ranging — from Washington to Los Angeles and in the Central American nation itself. Individuals will have 18 months to leave or seek other means to obtain lawful residency, those knowledgeable about the decision said.

For a minute I thought this meant ICE would kick these peeps out with an American cowboy boot. That’s what WaPo wanted me to believe. But this dull hombre had 17 years to pursue citizenship. Now he has an additional 18 months to get his non-American “American” life sorted out. Excuses?

There was nothing temporary about Temporary Protected Status visas. Past administrations believed “temporary” is as relative as feminist beauty standards. Trump says no more. This amigo should put time toward becoming a real American. Instead of watching the Red Sox and spending three hours at Costco every weekend.

While we’re on the subject, a lot of border-crossing hombres are illegals. They making a better living than those with real American lives. Proof:


Natalie Portmann Delivers BITTER Response to”All Male” Director Nominees…

Posted: 08 Jan 2018 09:52 AM PST

Celebrity-feminist moonbats love making brain excretions about cultural “issues.” Often after letting men use their bodies instead of their talent to get ahead in the industry (see Reese Witherspoon’s Sexual Assault Account Confirms Hollywood’s ‘Rape Culture’). Last night’s Self Righteous Spheres “Golden Globes” confirmed Hollywood is no longer interested in producing quality material. Now it’s all about getting on the self righteous scoreboard.

Natalie Portman had something to say to the industry who offered her so many opportunities. Hint: it wasn’t “Thanks,” or “Let me buy you a steak and some whiskey.”

Panning to the audience, some fellow vajayjay hat supporters thought the comment was totes funny. Everyone else? Not so enthralled at blatant disrespect towards hard-working creatives.

Even though Hollywood elites are clawing at one another’s “woke” jugulars, a few still value some semblance of real talent. As evidenced by the dismayed faces of the directors above. Meanwhile the mule on stage asked the horse, “Why the long face?”

The interwebs had some stuff to say about Natalie Pit-man’s stinky response.

Quick, think of one female director who produced a successful blockbuster this year. Too hard. Let’s do an easier one. Think of a female who produced a bomb, independent film in 2017. Also too hard. Hmm. I’m sensing a pattern here.

Equality will never be achieved on the notion of victimhood points for the plumbing down under. Equality is when men and women work on the same plane to produce outstanding products. Work should determine who gets a reward and pat on the back (or butt, this is Hollywood after all). Not someone’s orientation, gender, or unicorn cult membership.

By the way, that unicorn-cult membership? Join now and you’ll receive a free portion of outrage over issues as real as single-horned asses.