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#Funny News

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Nancy Pelosi Uses Grandson’s Desire for ‘Brown Eyes’ to Pander. Tucker Carlson Points Out Her Bigotry…

Posted: 10 Feb 2018 03:24 AM PST

Nancy Pelosi has been quite the national sensation ever since her immigration speech. While some of her fellow Democrats hung their heads in shame, some have decided to rally behind her.

For eight hours straight, she conjured up bad analogy upon boring story to nail home some semblance of a point. Now, as people pan through her speech, they’re finding shiny turd nuggets of hilarity (see John Oliver Dunks on Pelosi: Who Wants To Hear Her Talk for Seven Hours?).

Tucker Carlson found one of Pelosi’s “golden” moments. She’s pimping out her grandson.

PELOSI: He had a very close friend whos name is Antionio, and he has beautiful tan skin, beautiful brown eyes, and the rest. And this was such a proud day for me because when my grandson blew out the candles on his cake. And I said, “Did you make a wish. “And he said, “Yes I made a wish. I wish I had brown skin and brown eyes like Antonio.”

And, that’s so beautiful. So beautiful. The beauty is in the mix.

CARLSON: Her delight says everything about the modern democratic party. Certain races are good, certain races are so bad that it’s considered beautiful to hate your own innate appearance and want it changed. And that, Pelosi is saying is one of the main reasons she supports mass immigration so America will look differen, and in her view, better than it does now.

Imagine, for a moment, if a black kid said this about being white. Wanting porcelain skin, long blond locks. There would be outrage.

glory fire


It’s common for little kids to imagine they’re someone else. Like possessing the green skin of the hulk. Being an Indian princess. A tatted biker dude. Whatever floats their boat in the kiddy pool. It’s what kids do. It’s Pelosi’s use of her grandson’s wish which became weird. Shameless manipulation. Instead of pointing out melanin levels don’t matter, she emphasized the value of “tan” skin. A point she made using her grandson to pander to feels. Looks like Nance is taking her cues from Kimmel (see WATCH: Jimmy Kimmel Shamelessly Uses Son as Prop in Anti-Conservative Rant…).

America will only be made great when Democrats stop focusing on skin color and start focusing on the merits within each person. It’s called drawing on potential. Vetting, if you will, and it’s a wonderful thing.

Without vetting, safety and money evaporates like Pelosi’s old, shriveling brain.


ICE Owns NYPD Official Refusing to Fill Federal Detainments

Posted: 09 Feb 2018 05:43 PM PST

ICE Fights NY for Detainments

America boasts some of the greatest freedoms in the word. But the law isn’t a Sizzler salad bar. Citizens can’t pick and choose which rules they want to follow. And officials can’t just choose which laws to enforce. Yet here we are: Gov. Andrew Cuomo Pardons Criminal Illegals to 'Protect Their Families…'

Oleg Chernyavsky, legislative affairs director for the NYPD, announced just how much he sucks at his job during a city council meeting. Guess how he feels about picking and choosing laws.

New York City police ignored all 1,526 requests from federal Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) to detain undocumented immigrants for up to 48 hours last year, a top NYPD official said Wednesday. Chernyavsky said the department responded to just two of ICE’s 2016 requests because those immigrants had federal arrest warrants.

Chernyavsky said the police response to ICE requests “speaks volumes to our intent as a city. … It’s important for victims of crimes, irrespective of their immigration status, to trust their police and to come forward and inform their police.”

It’s important for officials to cooperate with federal efforts f0r national security. You know, to prevent murderous immigrants from murdering up the place. Lo and behold, such is not the case:

ICE caught wind of the meeting while it was still in session, issuing this spanking:

Indeed. Delicious, authentic burritos made by illegal hombres can never substitute for a human life. Though the equivalency is close.

American lives matter. Safety matters. As leftist officials decide which duties they’ll fulfill and which they won’t, they’re gambling with more chips than a family bag of Tostitos. Oleg wants to trade American lives and livelihoods for virtue points. Virtue points keep his ridiculous name, resembling a Disney snowman, on the ballot. Nay, only one department is good at frosty shenanigans, and that’s ICE. At least they promise to continue their efforts at protecting American lives (see Acting ICE Director Spanks Progressives on DACA and Sanctuary Cities).

Leftist officials play on emotions to get votes. Behold as Crowder reveals all the holes in their sneaky smoke screen below:


Journalist Calls for Conservative Students to be Drowned…

Posted: 09 Feb 2018 04:54 PM PST

Journalist Calls for Drowning Students

Disagreeing with people in a civil manner is not one of leftists’ strong suits. One might call it a lost art. Not practiced since the olden days, when the sabertoothed feminist was first birthed (see REBUTTAL: No Vox, White Men are NOT a Bigger Threat than Islamic Terrorists… and Liberal Comedian Blames All White Men for Las Vegas Shooting?).

A liberal journalist called for the involuntary drowning of conservative students after the founder of conservative group Turning Point USA posted about bias against right-leaning students.

What a jokester. Stop it. He’s making us choke on our own spit.

Nevermind. We weren’t choking on our own spittle. That was the water entering our lungs from being submerged in a tub by an adjunct gender studies professor. At first, you would have thought the remarks a playful jest. But, after that second tweet, Jesse’s remarks come across as much less of a joke, more of a final solution.

If this “joke-threat-thing” was said to an over-sensitive lefty, the seas would boil. The forests would burn. Up would be down.

ghostbusters dogs and cats

The national media would likely contort into an outrage demon. Feminists would march with pitchforks, stoking the fires of the underworld while wearing p*ssy hats. Eternal damnation for all conservatives.

Looks like leftists’ morbid fantasies are eviler than Jeffrey Dahmer, Jack the Ripper and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man combined. It isn’t enough for them to oppose someone politically. No, the dissenter must meet his end in the most unpleasant of ways. Pain and suffering be upon us all for daring to oppose socialism spreading the wealth. So much for the “compassionate and tolerant” left.

Remember this drowning exchange the next time leftists accuse you of being violent and uncivil.

While we’re on the subject:


CANNIBALISM: Angry Feminists Attack Darling Amy Schumer for ‘Fat Shaming’

Posted: 09 Feb 2018 04:49 PM PST

Amy Schumer Movie

Amy “My Vagina Sees More Action Than a 50¢ Petting Zoo” Schumer is no stranger to missing the mark. But as a furry feminist mascot, it’s surprising to see leftists unimpressed with her work. Or in this case, even turn on her. It seems they super duper don’t dig her new movie. As per Twitter’s description:

The star released a trailer for her upcoming film, I Feel Pretty, a comedy about body image. Some people, including feminist comedian Sofie Hagen (@SofieHagen), have some issues with the way Schumer is tackling the subject.

Here’s the trailer, should you want to torture yourself with three minutes of the sweaty Schumester for the sake of context:

Let the bitchfest begin!

Apparently Amy’s crime is not being ugly or fat enough. Despite the fact her pudge (and general grossness) has put off plenty of men nationwide. Girl needs to gain a few hundred extra pounds before she can empower women. Them’s the rules.

Her real mistake, however, is building a brand off of feminism in the first place. This isn’t the first time she’s been stomped by the herd (see Leftists Turn on Amy Schumer for ‘Racist’ Parody Video!). And mark my words, it won’t be the last.

A round of applause for feminists, please. They’re successfully showing the world how impossible their standards are. Not even the shameless queen of body positivity herself can sate them. A blood sacrifice is needed.

And, still, feminists wonder why nobody likes them. It has nothing to do with the patriarchy and everything to do with them being insufferable crybabies.


Meghan McCain Shuts Down Joy Behar Being “Offended By Republicans”

Posted: 09 Feb 2018 02:18 PM PST

Oldheads like me remember the great Elizabeth Hasselback vs. Rosie O’Donnell feud on The View back in the day. We may be looking at an Episode VII-esque reboot. In the blue corner, Joy Behar. Traditionally responsible for most of the shrill stupidity seen weekday mornings (see Joy Behar: 'Caitlyn Jenner's Support of Ted Cruz is Like Jews Supporting Hitler…' and Joy Behar Takes Smugness to New Levels. Claims to Speak For Jesus…).

In the red corner, Meghan McCain. Who I suspect producers expected to be more RINOy than past token conservatives. Jokes on them!

Here’s a clip from today’s show.  They were talking about the Rob Porter scandal. McCain wanted a respectful conversation. Behar missed her Metamucil in the morning and just wanted to whine about Republicans. At which point McCain got all honey badger don’t care on her.

"I'm actually going on the Van Jones show on Saturday and I'm looking forward to talking about this in a way that is respectful and not being told that just because I'm a Republican I'm offending you. We are not going to move a needle throwing out platitudes like that, and I would like to have a real conversation about it."

elizabeth warren

So do we.

And Meghan McCain is making The View waaaaay more interesting. She’s giving us a reason to suffer through watching clips of the wrinkled saddlebag that is Joy Behar.


#280 GOVT SHUTDOWN ARMAGEDDON! Roaming Millennial and Hodge Twins Guest

Posted: 09 Feb 2018 01:46 PM PST

All things pre-government shutdown, Nancy Pelosi's intolerable speech, Justin Trudeau's most cringe-worthy moments, Virginia Tech live stream, and more. Joined by guests Roaming Millennial and The Hodge Twins.

In case you were busy bandaging your bloody ears after Nancy Pelosi’s speech, here are this week’s headlines:


WATCH: Disturbing Video Shows Libyan Children Reenacting ISIS Executions for Fun…

Posted: 09 Feb 2018 12:39 PM PST

SJWs get their panties in a wad when the kiddos play “cowboys and Indians.” They say it’s racist. Appropriating culture. Promoting violence. In Lybia, children play “kill the invalid.” It’s okay though since they’re appropriating their own culture. Which puts them in accordance with leftist standards. Which are admittedly low.

These children, allegedly Libyan, appear to have spent their play date staging a mock execution.

The disturbing footage is said to have been filmed in the city of Benghazi, with an RT Arabic team confirming the children are speaking with a Libyan accent.

The scene strikingly resembles the gruesome mass public executions held by self-declared Islamic State (IS, formerly ISIS) terrorists on a regular basis. It can also be that the children in the video are reenacting executions carried out by Libyan field commander Mahmoud Al-Werfalli.

Leftists fly into a rage when American implings reenact the gunfight at the O.K. Corral with cap guns. But, when Libyan children simulate the exploding of innocent brain noodles, their lips stay zipped. “Religion of peace” and such. In reality, the only peace in Islam is the pieces of infidel brain matter splattering on the ground.

The left likes to pretend Islam is Okie-Dokie. Because tolerance. While they tout women like Linda Sarsour, women in the Middle East are being brutalized. While they praise the Koran, children in Islamic countries aspire to be Sharia-compliant masters of execution. Even after the countless wake-up calls, leftists still make like the world is a giant rendition of Kumbaya around the campfire.

Today, it’s toy guns and playing dead. Tomorrow, it’s an AK-47 and chunks of gray matter littering the sidewalk. Don’t say we didn’t try to warn you.

While we’re on the subject:


This Kumail Nanjiani Tweets Shows How Boring Liberal Comedians Are…

Posted: 09 Feb 2018 08:01 AM PST

Jimmy Kimmel said all late night hosts are liberal because you need to be smart to do comedy. Rich, especially when you see how many leftist comedians have proven to be intellectual chew toys (see  Chelsea Handler Blames President Trump for California Wildfire and T.J. Miller Arrested for Assaulting a Cab Driver for "Supporting Trump"). I’m sure this tweet from “comedian” Kumail Nanjiani making the rounds is the exact smart power doucheburritos like Jimmy Kimmel look for.

It has everything liberals think makes a joke. There’s a curse, and it attacks anyone who thinks differently from them. Behold:

Thats a lot of f*cking. Not so much entertaining though. As you can imagine, actual funny people weren’t amused.

Such workmanship. A true master of the art.

Kumail is free to dislike whoever he pleases, but his political outrage hinders him. He failed to bring the funny like many of his bitter, activist peers. He also took the time to write out all of that in a completely serious manner. That’s a good use of time.

But yes, liberals. Continue to lecture the rest of us on what’s actually funny, and how nothing about the left is ripe for mockery.

We’ll stick with doing comedy.


WWE Legend The Undertaker: STAND for the National Anthem

Posted: 09 Feb 2018 07:39 AM PST

Kneeling during the National Anthem has been the #1 sports story of the past few months. Shockingly not shocking, not every one was thrilled (see Kate Upton Blasts Dolphins' National Anthem Protest: 'A Disgrace!' and Poll Shows Majority of Americans Oppose Protesting the Anthem…). You can add WWE legend the Undertaker to the list.

The Deadman has always been protective of his gimmick and his personal life. Occasionally, his wife (and former pro wrestler) Michelle McCool gives us a behind the scenes glimpse. It’s generally of Taker training. God willing, for a farewell match against John Cena at this year’s WrestleMania. But this photo of father and daughter caught my attention:


To you, Mr. Undertaker sir…


I mean, it’s not hard to believe a guy who used to go by the nickname “American Bad Ass” would be pro National Anthem. But it’s still nice to see Undertaker taking a stand. About kneeling. While he’s sitting.

Shut up, it’s an awesome picture! And it's also one NFL dunderheads can learn a thing or two from. Someone tag Kaepernick so he can see it in between his cry sessions.


CVS Announces Wage Hikes and Paid Family Leave for Employees…

Posted: 09 Feb 2018 04:18 AM PST

CVS Paid Family Leave

So far, we’ve seen nothing but good come from Trump’s tax cut. More money in people’s pockets equals more money spent on goods and services equals more money in people’s pockets. Possibly the greatest, and most lucrative, formula ever conceived. These tax cuts are even going so far as to make leftists’ dreams come true.

Take this for example. CVS is about to boost wages and give paid family leave to its employees. No government mandate required.

CVS Health will increase employee pay and sweeten benefits to some employees using a portion of the company’s windfall from the new tax law.

CVS will boost starting pay for hourly employees to $11 per hour from $9 per hour, starting in April. Pay ranges and rates will be adjusted for many of its retail pharmacy technicians, front store associates and other hourly retail employees later in the year. Full-time employees will qualify for as much as four weeks of paid parental leave, and worker health-care premiums will hold steady at current rates.

Wait, the government not stealing all of a business’ profits leads to higher wages and better benefits?

kramer mind blown

#FightFor15 and lobbying for government mandates got both of those causes nowhere. Unless you call being replaced by terminators who can take orders and flip burgers getting somewhere. But, where the government inevitably fails, the free market triumphs.

Companies would love to take better care of their employees. Happy workers are productive workers. But, when greedy Uncle Sam is jacking 40% of your profits to build Argentinian clown schools and study the drinking habits of fancy lads, benefits get barebones pretty quickly.

This tax cut is doing exactly what we said it would do. More money will always yield a higher quality and quantity of jobs. But, good luck getting leftists to come around on that one.