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Charlize Theron Talks Motherhood: ‘Sometimes I Lose My Mind’

Posted: 20 Apr 2018 07:59 AM PDT

Theron thanks her mom for keeping her grounded

Charlize Theron embodies everything that’s glitz and glamour about Hollywood. Besides being drop-dead gorgeous, she’s an amazing actress, producer, and also a single mom to two kids. If you’re thinking, “how can she possibly do all that and not be completely worn out,” you’d be right.

The Oscar winner and mom to Jackson, six, and August, two, opened up this week about the struggles of raising kids and how she couldn’t possibly do it without her village — her mom, Gerda Maritz. "Raising kids is not through rose-colored lenses. There is real grit to it," the 42-year-old actress told US Weekly at the Tully premiere in Los Angeles. The movie, which opens nationwide in early May, depicts motherhood in its most honest, exhausting, emotional form and Theron absolutely nails it, drawing off her own life.

Instagram Photo

She says when things get overwhelming for her, it’s her mom who’s the voice of reason and the one who helps her gain perspective. “You know what, tomorrow is going to be a new day. It's not the end of the world," Maritz tells her. "Sometimes I lose my mind especially in a car, like when we're on a road trip or something. She'll look at me and laugh. Then she'll say, 'It's just a moment. It's going to pass. It's going to pass.'"

Instagram Photo

Lucky for Theron, her mom lives just up the street from her and is there to help her get through the thick of motherhood. She told ELLE when she adopted her kids, she knew she’d need to lean on her mom for support. "I knew that I would have to have my mom help me if I was going to do this as a single parent. To not acknowledge her in co-parenting my children would be a lie," she said.

To get into her role, Theron also gained close to 50 pounds for Tully. "I wanted to feel what this woman felt, and I think that was a way for me to get closer to her and get into that mindset," Theron told Entertainment Tonight. She revealed in addition to eating In-N-Out for breakfast, she would wake up in the middle of the night and “have a cup of cold macaroni and cheese just next to me. I would wake up and I would just eat it. I would just, like, shove it in my throat."

Instagram Photo

Of course Jackson and August had something to say about that. "My kids still refer to this movie as the movie where mommy had a big belly," she joked. "There's nothing fun about that."

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‘This Is 40’: Joanna Gaines Shares Adorable Birthday Bump Photo

Posted: 20 Apr 2018 07:35 AM PDT

Joanna Gaines is 40, pregnant, and eating donuts in adorable Instagram pic

Joanna Gaines has so much shiplap and money and a huge fanbase, so it seems kind of unfair that while pregnant at 40, she looks better than I did non-pregnant at 20. But such is life, and seeing her so happy and enjoying her birthday donuts is one of the cutest things the internet has brought us this week.

At the start of this year, Joanna and husband Chip, of the insanely popular HGTV show Fixer Upper, announced they were expecting their fifth child. Yes, she looks that good while pregnant at 40 with her fifth child. Yes, I still love her but I will fully admit my envy.

Look at this beauteous angel.

Instagram Photo

“This is 40. And I like it…#prenantandforty #anddoughnuts,” she writes. And who could blame her for liking it? Look. At Her.

Instagram Photo

Like, who looks this good pregnant? Well, plenty of women — just not me. That hair. Just when we thought it couldn’t get more flowy and gorgeous, here comes pregnancy hormones.

Since announcing that their show would end with the fifth season (which just finished airing this month) and that they were expecting their fifth child (five is apparently their number) the couple have been sharing cute baby bump pics and talking about their future show-less life. "They're so young, and we want to give them the chance to have a normal childhood. Family is the most important thing in the world,” Joanna told People last year.

It’s clear they’re looking to wind down a bit and spend time as a family, which is totally understandable and frickin’ adorable.

Instagram Photo

Hopefully, being less busy with their show will mean Joanna has plenty of time to post photos of her new babe’s undoubtedly perfect nursery and to regale us with tales of life with five kids. If anyone can handle it and still have effortlessly perfect hair, it’s her.

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Rare Condition Leaves Mom Of Two Without Use Of Her Legs

Posted: 20 Apr 2018 06:12 AM PDT

Facing a life-altering diagnosis, Amira Bass is determined to be the best mom she can be

Last month, mother of two and physician Amira Bass was diagnosed with a rare condition that has left her without motor or sensory function from her waist down.

Her young sons are just three years old and four months old — meaning this life-altering health situation is unfolding while Bass is still recently postpartum.

She was officially diagnosed with a rare form of transverse myelitis, which means she had a large spinal cord lesion that resulted in her paralysis. Doctors are still stumped as to what exactly caused it, but they believe it stemmed from an aggressive autoimmune disease.

Image via GoFundMe/DrAmiraBass

Currently, Bass is in an intensive, acute in-patient rehab facility while still trying to remain a fully-active mom in the lives of her little boys.

Image via GoFundMe/DrAmiraBass

“Amira is handling everything with the grace and determination of an Olympic athlete,” her friend, Dr. Shoreh Imani, tells Scary Mommy. “I cannot convey in words how challenging it is to work with legs that you cannot feel or move.”

Image via GoFundMe/DrAmiraBass

Imani says, “If any woman thinks back to that feeling when they had their epidural during labor, they can understand what it is like to be Dr. Bass. You know your legs are there, you can see them, but if you touch them, you do not feel them. Your brain says ‘move’ but nothing happens.”

Image via GoFundMe/DrAmiraBass

Bass’s family has been immensely supportive, though they too are obviously heavily impacted by the severity of her diagnosis. Her husband and extended family make sure to bring her baby, Rakim, in for cuddle time and feedings before she begins her rigorous daily therapies. Her toddler, Jaseem, visits in the evenings after daycare. “He understands mommy is sick,” Imani tells us. “But he doesn’t fully comprehend yet that she won’t be able to chase after him like before.”

Image via GoFundMe/DrAmiraBass

In order to help Bass adapt to her new life, her physical therapists have even created a mannequin that weighs 17 pounds to help her adapt to altered basic parenting skills, like bathing her baby and changing his diaper from a wheelchair.

Image via GoFundMe/DrAmiraBass

While this entire story is heartwrenching to be sure, perhaps the most telling portion of the diagnosis is the fact that Bass admits her body was giving her warning signs for the past two years. “She says that she put her own self-care on the back burner because she was always involved in caring for her family, friends, career,” Imani says. “I think many moms can relate to that. We tend to put ourselves last.”

Since she’s unable to return to her medical career — and had just completed an unpaid maternity leave to boot — Bass’s family and friends have created a GoFundMe to help the family adjust to incurring expenses — and prepare for the future. “Her family has taken a big hit financially,” Imani explains. Her family’s home will need to undergo extensive remodeling to make it wheelchair-accessible, in addition to acquiring full-time childcare since she can no longer care for her babies independently.

Image via GoFundMe/DrAmiraBass

Imani tells us that Bass has always been there for everyone in her life — which is why they so badly want to help her now. “She is everyone’s go to; not only in her own immediate family, but amongst all her friends. She has always been the one we all turn to when we have problems: relationships, career, academics, you name it. She always just gets it and provides amazing insight. She is truly the rock that we all have.

Doctors are unsure if she’ll ever walk again, but Imani says her friend is determined to make the most of her life despite her diagnosis. “She is trying hard to embrace her new wheelchair-bound life, though she’s having to re-learn everything she used to previously do without thought or effort.”

If you’d like to help Amira and the Bass family, head on over to their GoFundMe. Our thoughts and well wishes go out to them.

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Sports Stars Are More Than Athletes: A Conversation With Anthony Rizzo Of The Chicago Cubs

Posted: 20 Apr 2018 05:25 AM PDT

Although there won't likely be any athletic scholarships or professional contracts in their futures, both of my kids love playing sports. Like lots of little kids, my sons are obsessed with baseball and basketball, my oldest son in particular. He often doesn't know what day of the week it is (true story), but he can tell you exactly how many points his favorite team scored in last night's game and who is currently leading the league in RBIs. In fact, when he was struggling in math earlier this year, he got back on track by practicing with sports stats.

As parents, my husband and I are happy that our kids have a healthy love of sports. My husband enjoys watching games with our sons, and as a former college athlete myself, I'm well aware of the lifelong lessons that can be learned from sports, not to mention the lasting friendships.

However, the pressure for our kids to excel in sports rather than just have fun is intense. I've seen parents lose it at referees over bungled calls and curse at volunteer coaches over their child's lack of play time. I've even heard stories about an 8-year-old child spending five or more hours a day training.

This is sports at its worst — where wholesome lessons of fitness, work ethic, and camaraderie go out the window in favor of cutthroat competition for who even knows why. But sports at its best builds us into team players, active members of our community, and compassionate humans always looking to do good. In short, there's more to becoming a sports star than just playing a game really, really well.

And there's no better example of an athlete who not only plays the game but also gives back than Anthony Rizzo of the Chicago Cubs.

I recently had a chance to chat with Rizzo (which pretty much made me the coolest mom ever in my kids' eyes — for a day, at least). When I asked him about how he stays focused on wellness in a world that wants athletes to excel at all costs, he said that he does so by minimizing distractions and focusing on the task at hand. When he's playing baseball, he's competing. And when the game is done, he goes back to being "just Anthony."

"Just because you aren't great at something, doesn't mean you can't have fun doing it," he said. "If you don't excel, you can still have fun and use sports to keep your body healthy."

Not only does Rizzo harness mental strength by focusing to minimize distraction, he also prioritizes overall physical wellness. As an athlete, it's important for him to be in top physical shape, but he said that he also just feels better when he is eating healthy and making sure to stay hydrated. In fact, his pre-game ritual includes drinking a lot of BODYARMOR — a premium sports drink with no artificial sweeteners or flavors and made with coconut water — while he studies video tape of the pitcher he'll face that day.

"Staying hydrated is a big deal because little injuries can happen if you're not properly hydrated," he said. In addition to staying hydrated, Rizzo said he sticks to the "everything in moderation" philosophy.

"I'm conscious of what I put in my body and make sure to stay hydrated, but I don't deprive myself of fun foods. I just don't overindulge."

Not only does Rizzo have a healthy attitude about fitness and physical wellness, but he's also committed to his community and an all-around good guy. An alum of Marjory Stoneman-Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, he recently spoke at a memorial service following the mass shooting at the school. And as a survivor of pediatric cancer, Rizzo created a foundation to raise money for cancer and recently donated $3.5 million to the Lurie Children's Hospital of Chicago.

#RespectBald

A post shared by Anthony Rizzo (@arizz_44) on

Despite his massive success, Rizzo hasn't forgotten his roots and said his childhood friends remain some of his best friends to this day.

"I've met a lot of great people along the way, but my childhood friends are the ones who are most important to me because they see past the baseball," he said. "Whenever we're together, we're just 'normal friends' having everyday conversations."

There's no doubt that Rizzo is a hero for many kids, and for good reason. But he said he tries to send the message to kids that "he's just like everyone else." When asked who his hero was growing up, he said his older brother.

"He set the way for me, showed me the way, and was just always there."

And as a mom of two boys, let me tell you, that right there is the best any parent can hope for their kids. Though a World Series ring is a nice added bonus.

Rizzo became a partner and investor in BODYARMOR, a premium sports drink made with potassium-packed electrolytes, coconut water, and natural sweeteners and flavors, several years ago when he discovered it during spring training. Rizzo joined a team of other superstar athletes who also partnered with BODYARMOR, including Mike Trout, James Harden, Andrew Luck, and Dustin Johnson. For more information on BODYARMOR and a coupon, visit www.drinkbodyarmor.com/coupon.php.

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What To Do (And Not Do) When A Friend Has A Child With Special Needs

Posted: 19 Apr 2018 06:00 PM PDT

Imagine you're out at the park with your child who is on the spectrum. Or what about if you've mustered up the energy to pack up your car with your child's wheelchair and you're out and about enjoying the beautiful weather. But in your peripheral vision, you see someone looking at you — staring.

Or how about being approached by someone you haven't seen in a while, and the conversation gets really awkward. That, my friend, is something we parents of kids with special needs encounter on a daily basis.

Here are a few of my pet peeves along with some tips to help turn an awkward encounter into a memorable one.

Pet Peeve #1: Trying to Relate

It's so great when we run into people we haven’t seen in a long time. The conversation may start out like this:

The Friend: "Hi!! Oh my gosh, I haven't seen you in so long! Your kids are so beautiful!!"

But then, the conversation goes south and things get pretty awkward.

The Friend, again: "I just wanted you to know that my co-workers-daughter's-best friend's-brother's-nieces-nephew… has Down syndrome."

Special Needs Parent: "Ummmm….Okay?….?"

What are we supposed to say to that? How about leaving the history line alone and just be happy to see us. Trust me, we want to have as much of a normal conversation as possible.

Pet Peeve #2: Sympathizing When We're Out

We know that what we go through is different and tough, but do us all a favor: If you see us out, don't feel sorry for us. Be happy that we're out. All we're doing is trying to give our child the best life we can. Trust me, if we've managed to gather our child's wheelchair, oxygen tank, heart monitor, feeding pump, and whatever else — be happy for us! Don't remind us of our situation by feeling sorry or bad for us.

Pet Peeve #3: Staring

Let's say you happen to see a family who has a child in a wheelchair. Or it's a family who has a child with autism and that child is having an episode. And then BOOM! You start staring at them, without even realizing you’re doing it.

Thanks to a magical thing called peripheral vision, we definitely see you looking at us. Now, if you happen to get caught staring, DO NOT QUICKLY LOOK THE OTHER WAY! Or even worse, DON'T WALK AWAY! Instead, acknowledge your stare. What do I mean by acknowledging? Smile at us. Or even just a quick head nod and a wave is fine.

Oh, you want to do more than just smiling. Sure! How about taking action on your stare? We parents won't bite. If you see us, and our child on the spectrum is having an episode, politely ask that parent if they need help with anything. Or if you see a parent with their hands full and also a wheelchair that they have to disassemble to get it into their car, ask if they need any help.

A simple offer of assistance can go a long way. Try it one day.

These pet peeves are things that I have personally gone through, but I'm sure my other special needs parent comrades can relate. To see more on this topic, check out my latest vlog right here: Pet Peeves | Special Needs Parent Edition 2018.

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I Don’t Save My Kids’ Stuff Because It Gives Me Anxiety

Posted: 19 Apr 2018 06:00 PM PDT

Walking into my daughter’s room this morning, I caught glimpse of her school project lying on the floor — there were colored pencils, scissors, and glue stick strewn about.

Half-empty bottles of perfume and body lotion were scattered on her desk next to Tupperware containers bubbling over with glittery slime. There was a Barbie she hasn’t played with in years with its hair cut off and said hair was sitting right next to a few mismatched socks.

Instead of walking by, pausing at the door to notice the sunshine streaming in the windows (which reminds just how fucking dusty her room is) and marvel at her project and the homemade slime, these are the thoughts that went through my head:

For fuck’s sake I can not deal with this. We just purged this place. We just carried out a truck load of crap. Where did this come from? I swear kids’ shit multiplies. Are broken toys capable of reproducing? What the hell smells in here? If she gets any more slime stuck in this carpet, she’s going to see 50 shades of me going to the bad place.

Then I realized that was the same Tupperware collection I couldn’t find this morning as I was on my knees on the hard kitchen floor looking for something to store the cooked bacon in while yelling to my kids, “Where the hell did all the damn Tupperware go?” In return, all I got was silence.

Yet, here they were strewn about my daughter’s bedroom floor.

Nothing gets me in the mood for a good purge party like a few lies and denial. You fill my new Tupperwear with sticky slime that dries like cement in the kitchen sink and on the countertops and it’s going to find it’s way to the trash with a slam dunk.

Then I’ll probably do a dance because purging the hell out a room brings me the kind of joy money can’t buy.

I know I should keep more school projects and papers. There was a time when every drawing my kids made me was filed away in an big Rubbermaid tub along with their report cards and every leaf and stone they brought home.

OK, that’s a huge lie — I’m a purger at heart, but having kids makes you feel guilty about tossing all that crap in the garbage. But I was born this way, and you can’t take the purging instinct out of a woman.

All this stuff taking up space in my house is a trigger for me. I’m not my best self when surrounded paper, toys, and random shit. I’m not an organizer either; I’m a tosser. Clutter makes me go from calm to “pass me another fucking trash bag and let’s get this party started,” in under 2 seconds.

I realize some things I’ve thrown away are sentimental, and there’s a chance I done damage to my kids by getting rid of their stick and feather collections. But in my defense, those feathers were from a germ-laden seagull and whether those long brown things were actually sticks is still in question.

Am I going to regret one day that I didn’t save every toy, every picture, or every piece of moss from every flipping walk in the woods we’ve taken?

No. Not bloody likely.

But you know what I would regret? The way I would act if I just let all the stuff that’s peppered around my house accumulate. No can do.

My house is a happy house after I purge. And somehow my kids have adjusted. They’ve learned to hide their valuables and keep that shit hidden away. And they know that if they have so much shit that it starts seeping out of the closets and drawers, it’s gonna go bye-bye.

And since this saves us all a shit-ton of stress, I’ll just keep on purging.

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To Moms Of Wild Kids: I’m Sorry I Judged You

Posted: 19 Apr 2018 06:00 PM PDT

I remember being at a play date eight years ago. My first born was a toddler, and I was pregnant with his sister. I’d already faced a few parenting struggles. The wind got knocked out of me when I failed epically at breastfeeding. I wondered what I was doing wrong when my baby still wasn’t sleeping through the night at a year old. And potty-training? Girlfriend, don’t even get me started on how hard that was.

But behavior? Discipline? I had that on lock. My child sat in the corner at this other mom’s house and read books. Stacked blocks. Quietly and calmly zoomed toys trains across the tracks. Never did he even consider climbing on or jumping off furniture or chucking a toy across the room.

Yet this is exactly how so many others kids behaved. And there I was, with pursed lips, shaking my head in disapproval. I mean, how hard is it to discipline your child? Why would you allow him to catapult himself off the couch or tackle the little girl next to him who was innocently lining up her baby dolls?

What was wrong with these children? What was wrong with the moms of these children?

A few months after that play date, my daughter was born, and she was a lot like her older brother. Well behaved, relatively calm, and pretty easy to discipline. (I had also encountered quite a few feral girls over my parenting years, and yet again, I maintained my post on sanctimommy mountain, since my kids were so good.)

And then the good Lord decided to have a good laugh. I think He looked down on me, all smug and judgmental and shooting side-eye at these frazzled, exasperated moms I met at play dates and at the park, and decided right then and there to send me a third child.

Another boy. And this one would be my undoing.

By the time he could walk, I knew. When I tried to read him a book and he chucked it at my head, I knew. When I found him stacking one stool on top of another stool in order to gain access to the off-limits cookies on the counter, I knew.

I knew karma had swung around to bite me in the ass.

So here is my apology to the moms out there with what society thinks are “unruly children.” I know now what it’s like to have a child who cannot seem to control his limbs. Or his volume. I know how it feels to get a judgy look from Nancy at the grocery store because my kid is climbing out of the cart or pulling cans of beans off of the shelves.

Or what it’s like to always sit in the back of church so we can make a quick exit—even though by this age, my other two could sit and color or look at books for an hour straight. My youngest, however, walks up and down the pew. For the entire service. And has no comprehension of what it means to whisper.

He is the kid who goes backwards up the slide.

He is the kid who will cut other kids in line so he can get first dibs on the cupcakes. Or have an extra turn on the ride.

He is the kid who will break your grandma’s vase that’s been on your mantle for 20 years. (Please don’t invite us over if you have breakable things.)

I can recall sitting in the pediatrician’s office at his third-year checkup. He’d already climbed up and down, and up and down, and up and down off the examining table. He’d crumpled up the sanitary paper that covered the table and threw it across the room. And he was currently scheming how he could line up all the chairs to play an epic game of The Floor is Lava. The doctor could see my face. I was sweating. I was exhausted. And she smiled and said, “It’s okay. He’s a healthy, normal little boy.”

Um, what?

After having two kids who were mature for their age, good listeners, and acted like humans out in public, I explained how baffled I was by the things my third child did—without regard for consequences. Things his siblings would never have done, because they knew it was wrong to sneak behind the couch with a giant piece of cake at 6:30 a.m. But, as our pediatrician explained, my son’s brain was currently at a developmental stage where he realized (or remembered) consequences after committing the act. Just as studies have confirmed that teenagers’ brain development often leads them to make questionable decisions, such is the case for young children.

Things started making sense that day, although we still have our challenges. It helps to know that his brain is wired a bit differently than his siblings’ and that there’s nothing wrong with him. Or me.

Through being his mom, I’ve learned that he’s not a bad kid. He’s not unkind. If he winds up and smacks you with a light saber, he’s not trying to hurt you. That’s his way of saying “play with me.” If he cuts your kid in line, it’s not because he thinks your kid doesn’t deserve a cupcake. He just saw an opportunity and grabbed it. He’ll probably grab two and hand one to your kid anyway.

And another invaluable lesson that knocked me right off my parenting pedestal is learning that moms of wild kids are doing their best. I know that now. We do discipline them. We try so damn hard. But we also know what we have to work with. My son cannot physically still still for an hour in church. Hell, he can’t sit still for five minutes, which is why he gets out of his chair and walks around the table 10 times during dinner. I’ve learned to not expect the impossible from him. I’ve learned that a couple books and a sticker sheet will not keep him entertained. I’ve learned that for every time I have to say “no” to his siblings, I’ll have to say “no” to him five times more.

And I’ve warned everyone who crosses our path that if they ever give this child caffeine they are dead to me.

My third child changed everything about the way I parent. Now, when we make plans, we consider the environment—will there be room for him to run? To move? Be loud? If not, it probably won’t work out. And that’s okay. He has his whole life ahead of him to learn to be quiet and still. For now, he’ll spend his days building couch forts, jumping off stuff, and living life at full volume.

And also making Mommy go gray in the meantime.

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Good People Of The Internet: We Need To Have A Talk

Posted: 19 Apr 2018 06:00 PM PDT

Folks. Let's have a little chat, shall we?

Since we're all living in this massive web known as the Internet, I think it's time we set some things straight. Because let's be honest, the Internet has become a toxic cesspool bubbling over with nastiness, humblebrags, and nonsense. And a girl can only take so much before she wants to throw her computer out the window or move to a secluded island because people so clearly suck beyond repair.

Look, the Internet has a way of bringing out the worst in people. Yes, sometimes the best, but mostly the worst.

I try to be tolerant and polite. So I looked the other way when I noticed that you liked the Facebook page of that evangelical Christian who thinks progressives are going to rot in hell. I didn't comment on your post with a link to Breitbart or Fox News. And I swallowed the vomit in my mouth when you humblebragged about your "sweet hubby" for the gajillionth time.

But we've all got limits. And I'm at mine.

Chances are, you might be too.

So before we all start hating everybody – and for the sake of our expensive Macs and PCs at the risk of being tossed from a second story window – let's set a few ground rules.

1. If you’re gonna leave, just leave. No. Announcement. Necessary.

Newsflash: if you don’t like a page or a friend’s Internet fuckery is driving you up the wall, there’s this handy little button called “unlike” or “unfriend.” It works like a charm and here’s the real special thing — you don’t need to do anything other the click it. You don’t need to comment with a grand announcement of your departure. JUST LEAVE.

2. Before you share, beware.

I hate to break it to you, but most of what's on the Internet is a load of crap. So before you share that post from www.democratsaresatan.com or www.republicansarethedevil.com or www.theapocylpseishappeningontuesday.com, maybe check with a credible news source. And no, Fox News and Breitbart don't count as "credible."

3. Enough with the shady MLM scams.

I'm not going to buy your leggings, your face cream, your weight loss shake, or your unnamed tooth whitening paste. So please stop asking. Enough with the FB sales pitches disguised as messages "to catch up" even though we haven't actually exchanged words in 15 years and you spent most of high school giving me side-eye. I'm not buying your shit, Nancy. But thanks for asking.

4. Don't tag me in photos where you look like a runway model and I look like Rip Van Winkle in stained yoga pants.

This shouldn't need further explanation. Yet here we are.

5. Knock it off with the hashtagged humblebrags.

We all know your kid is #cuteasabutton and you're #lovingmomlife, but you aren't fooling anyone when you post a photo from the front row of the CMAs or on the 50-yard line of the Super Bowl and hashtag that shit with #SoBlessed or #GodIsGreat. Because last time I checked, God didn't give a shit about award ceremonies or football games. And you just sound obnoxious.

6. On a related note, keep your Sunday morning evangelism to yourself.

Ain't no one got time for your Facebook sermons, Cindy Jo.

7. Unfriending is always in season for assholes.

I suppose this should go without saying, but if you're an asshole or think it's okay to tell sexist, racist, or homophobic "jokes," let me introduce you to my friend Unfriend and my even more badass friend Block. Because life’s too short for this dumbfuckery and nastiness. Bye Felicia!

8. Sanctimommies and Judgy McJudgersons need not apply.

Pro-tip: If you start a comment with "I'm sorry, but…" or "I don't mean to judge…," you aren’t fooling anyone.

9. Stop Vaguebooking.

Tell us. Or don’t tell us. But don’t maybe hint at something that might happen but it’s so important/great/sad/upsetting that you just can’t talk about it yet.

Stahp. It.

Look. Interneting isn't all that hard. Basically, it all boils down to one simple rule: Don't be a dick. If we can all do that, then we'll be able to keep scrolling to our hearts' content without wearing a Haz-Mat suit or wanting to stab a fork in our eye.

Sound good?

Good.

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