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#Funny News

#Funny News

Karate Expert Fights Off Rape Attempt of Illegal Migrants

Posted: 22 Apr 2018 07:08 AM PDT


Europe lately seems to have a rape problem. Also, a migrant problem. In some places, a basic right to self-defense problem. Thankfully for one woman, they haven’t banned marital arts yet. Because this one karate expert was able to fight off her would-be attackers.

A KARATE expert fearing rape when she was pinned down by two men after a night out made a brave escape – by "kicking them in the balls".

A jury heard the traumatised woman was pounced on and thrown to the ground while walking home from a nightclub in Forfar, Angus.

Mohammad Islam and Shehab Smekramuddin – both illegal immigrants – are facing lengthy jail terms after being convicted of the chilling assault.

“Mohammad Islam,” eh? Sounds like he belongs to one of those Baptist rape squads we keep hearing about.

The traumatised woman told how moments later Islam approached and asked if she wanted to be "walked home".

As she was distracted Smekramuddin pounced from behind, knocking her to the ground and pinning her down.

But the pair had not bargained on her martial arts expertise.

Little did those rape-crazy asshats realize, this lady was well-trained in the ancient ways of the five-toe exploding sack swat.

self defense

This young lady is one of the lucky ones. Most lasses who end up in the crosshairs of rapey Muhammad fangirl illegals don’t have skills in crotch-stomping. Seeing as our Euro-brethren aren’t keen or private boomstick ownership, those gals usually don’t have much more than hope or a whistle in their arsenal.

It’s also good to know the attackers are the ones who have charges against them. That’s not always a given. Left leaning courts tend to be super sensitive to the “needs” of Islamic and border-hopping types. I suppose this dame managed to rank higher on the hierarchy of oppression than her attackers. Lucky her.

Hopefully, the courts will convict the two violating buttmunches and they’ll be the ones dodging the rape from here on out. #Justice


Shaun King Criticizes Kanye West for Liking a Conservative

Posted: 22 Apr 2018 05:00 AM PDT

Shaun King

Na, na, na, na,
Don’t you know Shaun King’s really white…
“Can’t Tell Me Nothing (2018 Remix)”

Part of Kanye West’s “triumphant” return to Twitter was him tweeting support of conservative YouTuber Candace Owens. Though, before you conservatives jump for joy, keep in mind this is Kanye West we’re talking about. Kanye always gotta Kanye (see Kanye West Attempts Charleston Rap… but Doesn't Know Where Charleston Is! and HYPOCRITE ALERT: Kanye West Caught Pirating/Stealing Software…). My hunch is he’s looking to stir up attention. After all, a few days earlier, Yeezus was blasting capitalism.

Whether Kanye was tweeting for attention or not, he got it. Mr. Kim Kardashian just broke a cardinal leftist rule. Thinking for himself while black. Leading fake black guy Shaun King to bring Kanye’s blackness into question:

Yeah, really. The guy who’s most famous for appropriating his skin tone is lecturing an actual black guy on how best to be black.

Not only is Shaun guilty of “whitesplaining” here, he’s implying black people should all be thinking one way. Otherwise, they’re a sellout to “bigoted white folk.” Except the only bigot in this scenario is the douchelord with the pencil-stache who thinks a black person having their own opinion is “sad.”

Leftists pride themselves on being “inclusive” and “keeping an open mind.” Then, the second one of their pet minorities strays from lefty orthodoxy, progressives fly into a rage. Words like “Uncle Tom” get thrown around. There’s talk of revoking the offender’s black membership card. Yet, we’re supposedly the ones with eyeholes cut in our pillowcases.

For a group of people who claims to be “down with the brothas,” leftists seem unaware of the existence of black non-leftists. Mayhaps a quick trip outside their bubble would fix that. Providing their heads don’t explode, of course.