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#Funny News


Buzzfeed Report on Trump Accusations Dismissed by Robert Mueller

Posted: 18 Jan 2019 06:37 PM PST

Buzzfeed Report

If you’ve been perusing the Twitters today, you might have noticed the Buzzfeed report. You know, the one claiming the Donald told Mikey Cohen to get his Pinocchio on in front of congress. Lefties took this to be the beginning of the end for the Orange One.

Except, according to Robert Mueller himself, the report is a bunch of bullhickey:

Special Counsel Robert Mueller's office on Friday issued an extraordinary statement disputing a bombshell news report that claimed President Trump directed Michael Cohen to lie about the timing of discussions over a proposed Trump Tower project in Moscow.

"BuzzFeed's description of specific statements to the Special Counsel's Office, and characterization of documents and testimony obtained by this office, regarding Michael Cohen's Congressional testimony are not accurate," Peter Carr, a spokesman for Mueller's office, said.

Ooh, this is getting good.

The statement is remarkable in that Mueller’s team rarely issues statements in response to news stories. But BuzzFeed’s story sparked immense interest from Democrats, who called for renewed investigations and even suggested the allegations could be a basis for impeachment proceedings.

So, in other words:

I can’t really say this revelation is all too surprising. Keep in mind, this is the same site known for hard hitting pieces like “37 Things White People Need to Stop Ruining in 2018.” Hosting menstrual blood painting lessons. You get the picture.

Even without any hard evidence to back it up, lefties were jumping right on this story. It goes to show their concern isn’t really for the truth to come out. Instead, they’re just looking to land a blow on our tangerine-hued commander-in-chief. Pathetic.

The fake news media is real, folks. This bogus Buzzfeed report is just the tippy-top on a giant iceberg of lies. The mainstream media puts trying to bitchslap Trump above factual accuracy. Their dishonest douchebaggery truly knows no bounds.

Speaking of that:

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‘SJW Therapist’ Video Lampoons Politically Correct Leftists

Posted: 18 Jan 2019 05:31 PM PST

I don’t have to tell you about lefties’ obsession with identity politics. To a “progressive,” the content of your character means nothing, only the boxes you check. God help you if you’re a melanin-deficient bro who’s content with having a dangle.

This hilarious video from “We the Internet” illustrates that very thing. Enjoy:

Patient: I just feel really alone and I don’t have anyone to talk to.

SJW Therapist: …but you’re white.

Patient: What does that have to do with it?

SJW Therapist: Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were gay.

Patient: I’m not.

SJW Therapist: But you identify as a different gender?

Patient: No.

SJW Therapist: So, you’re a straight, white cis-male who feels alone?

Patient: Yeah.

SJW Therapist: How could you ever feel alone? Or unhappy?

Patient: That’s what I’m here to talk about.

SJW Therapist: Do you recognize the kinds of problems people who aren’t straight, white cis-males have?

Nailed it.

pow rob riggle step brothers

It wouldn’t surprise me if this was a recording from a real therapy session. Mainstream leftism insists pale guys who have peens and like ladyfolk couldn’t possibly have real problems. After all, we live in a patriarchal, sexist, transphobic, homophobic, white supremacist society.

anchorman

To a lefty, your value in life is determined by the amount of melanin you have and the peeps with whom you like to knock boots. If you don’t meet their rigorous diversity standards, you’re on your own.

The crazy thing is this parody isn’t far off from real life. This might be taken to the extreme, but lefty social justice types really do believe a straight white guy is a lesser than. Fast forward another five years and it wouldn’t surprise me if their crazy reaches these levels.

While we’re on the subject:

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David Hogg Suggests Gun Owners Regularly Hit Targets Over One Mile

Posted: 18 Jan 2019 04:10 PM PST

David Hogg still hasn’t been able to figure out that no one takes him seriously. Despite all the times he’s embarrassed the bejeezus out of himself, the chinless boy wonder continues to spew his braindead anti-gun silliness.

Sure, the “woke” folks at Gillette will accuse me of being a toxically male ruffian for picking on an effete soy weakling like Davey, but I’m gonna do it anyway. Just take a look at his latest example of mindless gun-grabbing douchebaggery:

I guess Dave saw an optic and assumed Colion is pulling one-mile shots in the photo. As people are known to do from a standing position on the reg.

The piece in question appears to be some type of carbine with a scout scope. Assuming it’s flinging a 5.56/.223 round, it has an effective range of about 600 meters. As in 1,968 feet. As in far short of a mile.

Wait though, because it’s about to get even better.

Now we’re certain little Davey is speaking out the wrong end. Rectal utterances: confirmed.

ace ventura

I guess we can add depth perception to Davey’s list of inadequacies. Next, he’ll be telling us the Titanic is sitting a bajillion feet below sea level. The grassy knoll from which John Wilkes Oswald shot John Lennon Kennedy Jr. was 20 miles away.* Maybe I’ll gift him a rangefinder for Christmas.

Look, it’s certainly not impossible to make a one-mile shot. Though, I’ve yet to meet a fellow boomstick enthusiast who thought he needed to keep his long-range game tight to fight off a home invader. Despite what the weak-jawed Hogginator claims.

On the other hand, according to the true meaning of the Second Amendment, sniping is a-okay. Should the powers that be in the U-S-of-A try getting their tyranny on, we may have to sling some freedom pellets in their direction. In which case, sniping would most definitely come in handy.

Here we have yet another case of anti-gunners proving they know bupkis about gats. They want to lecture us on what guns are capable of, yet they can’t distinguish between 100 yards and a mile. Hopefully, Dave will gain a couple of IQ points at Harvard. Though, I’m not getting my hopes up.

*We know Lee Harvey Oswald shot JFK. Don’t @ us.

Speaking of Hogg:

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Dan Crenshaw Says it All: “We’re Here Because We Value Life!”

Posted: 18 Jan 2019 02:51 PM PST

Rising GOP star Representative Dan Crenshaw from Texas made it to the March for Life, where he stated a very clear, simple point the left will never understand: Republicans value life!

Simple, effective, true. Pro-life people, or “Anti-choice extremists” to you monsters who think sucking a child out of a woman’s womb is “healthcare” value life. Before birth, after birth.

Yes, the pro-life community, though we get tired of hearing and refuting it, are pro-life even after the baby is born. We just don’t think government programs are the best way to go about caring for anyone. What with government’s long record of doing a crappy job of caring for people. Call us biased.

2019 is going to be a fun year, y’all.

See also WATCH: Ben Shapiro Drops Hard Truths about Abortion at the Annual March for Life and VIDEO: Dan Crenshaw Would Like to Debate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

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#421 CROWDER’S COLOSSAL COMEBACK! | Matt Iseman and Jordan Peterson Guest

Posted: 18 Jan 2019 11:28 AM PST

Steven Crowder makes his triumphant return, hitting Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the government shutdown, and Gillette’s disastrous ad. Matt Iseman sits third chair. Dr. Jordan Peterson guests.

We’re sooooo glad to be back! Get caught up on this week’s news:

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WATCH: Ben Shapiro Drops Hard Truths about Abortion at the Annual March for Life

Posted: 18 Jan 2019 10:59 AM PST

Today is the annual March for Life on Washington, where pro-life Americans assemble in the hundreds of thousands to march against abortion. Media, who covered the migrant caravan extensively, typically take a siesta for the annual March for Life. Babies being killed in the womb is an enormous cash-cow. So never rock the money boat. Anyway, the March scored a great speaker (but terrible tumbler-maker) this year, Ben Shapiro.

He’s right. As usual. Our culture has all the wrong values when it excuses and even lauds the extermination of unborn children for any reason. There’s nothing wrong with us saying so, either.

The pro-life movement has been, and continues to be, under attack from what I’d argue is the side which has already won: the pro-abortion supporters. Abortion is legal, yet pro-aborts continually attack pro-lifers (sometimes physically) in order to silence the message of truth: unborn babies are people with equal rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Before I close, the March for Life is just one day. But babies are killed nearly every day in abortion. So while supporting the March is important, everyday advocacy is necessary. What are you doing to fight abortion?

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College Students Given Bubble Wrap to Help with Stress. But Even That Stresses Them Out.

Posted: 18 Jan 2019 10:00 AM PST

How we handle our own life experiences depends on our life experiences. In that a person who’s experienced great pain is more able to handle lesser pain. That person is also more receptive to great joy. In essense, life is a graph: the more one has suffered, the more one can appreciate happiness. Which brings me to college students, who can’t handle the idea of final exams and need intervention via popping bubble wrap.

From Metro UK:

The packets of bubble wrap come with instructions: 'For immediate stress relief. Pop three capsules every 4-6 hours, or as needed'.

*opens new text to Steven Crowder* Hi Steven, so I hate to bother you, but all this Trump vs. Pelosi silliness has me in a tizzy. Please send me bubble wrap so I don’t do something drastic like… well I don’t actually know but I’M JUST SO STRESSED I NEED POPPITY POP POPS” *hits send*

These students aren’t going to war, they’re not in the final days of escrow, they’re not entering an IRS audit: they’re taking final exams. At a school they’re paying to attend. It’s their personal choice. Now, as a college graduate myself, I understand it’s stressful to take five tests in a week. Sure. Though as an English major, it was me mostly writing five essays. Still, yes, it was exhausting. But somehow I managed without intervention via bubble-wrap-pop-dosage. As did most college student in the early 2000s.

But wait, because it gets even more embarrassing. So cocooned are the college babes of now (Generation Z, by the way, Millennials are done with college so spare me), giving them bubble wrap was causing them stress. Because of the baby polar bears.

But some students have apparently become more stressed by the bubble wrap therapy and its potential to cause plastic waste.

Not to worry my stressed little goslings. The bubble wrap is being recycled. It was previously used to ship wine to the future employers of these fragile-minded twits. Drink up me hearties. Related: WATCH: College Students Love Socialism, They Just Don’t Know What It Is.

The only lesson here is the reason we fantasize as a culture about the zombie apocalypse, or any other apocalypse, is because our modern lives are so devoid of actual suffering we need real suffering to prove ourselves and to feel alive. Also to see students like these dweebs eaten by zombies. “Oh, sorry about that monster, who used to be Skylar, gnawing on your leg! If only you had some bubble wrap to get you through this tough time!”

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WATCH: Ben Sasse BLASTS His Anti-Catholic Colleagues on the Senate Floor

Posted: 18 Jan 2019 08:05 AM PST

Democrats have been hating on Judeo-Christianity like PETA hates men. Specifically a lot of anti-Catholic bias from Democrats. Especially from the Judiciary Committee. If you are a judge and Catholic, leftist Democrats find that Catholicity disqualifying. Senator Ben Sasse took to the floor of the Senate to call out this anti-Catholic bigotry.

This is nuts. We’re talking about the largest Catholic fraternal organization in the world being called an extremist organization and a nominee for the federal bench being asked if he would resign from this organization so that he could serve without the appearance of bias. The clear implication here was that Brian’s religious beliefs and his religious affiliations in this case and affiliation with the Catholic organization that invests countless hours and millions of dollars annually serving special needs kids. Brian was supposedly therefore potentially unfit for federal service.

If a Senator has a problem with this resolution, you’re probably in the wrong line of work, because this is what America is. This is a super basic point – no religious tests. If someone has a problem with this resolution, what other parts of the Constitution are you against? Freedom of the press? Women’s right to vote? Freedom of speech? This isn’t hard. No religious test for serving on the federal bench.

Sasse is referring most recently to Sen. Kamala Harris, who challenged a judge on his involvement in an extremist religious organization: The Knights of Columbus.

steve austin

It should be mentioned that Harris also wants to be President of the United States. And is, by all accounts, a silly person. This whole “Don’t put people through a religious test because it’s against the First Amendment, stupid” shouldn’t be hard. But Kamala Harris has an extreme leftist base to pander to, and the extreme left hates religion. Unless it’s Islam. Related: Sen. Feinstein Scolds Appeals Court Nominee For Her Catholic Faith.

More of Harris’ colleagues need to call her out. As well as call out the left as a whole for their clear anti-religion (except Islam) bias.

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WATCH: Ted Cruz Says Nancy Pelosi Doesn’t Want Trump to Expose Hypocrisy

Posted: 18 Jan 2019 06:29 AM PST

There are few things we enjoy more than dunking on Nancy Pelosi (see Donald Trump Writes Letter Telling Nancy Pelosi Her Travel Plans are Canceled. It's PERFECTION! and Nancy Pelosi Wants to Repair Roads to Make Illegal Immigration Easier). But it’s greedy to hog it all to ourselves. Sometimes, you just gotta give Ted Cruz a turn.

There’s an obvious reason why Pelosi doesn’t want President Trump to deliver his State of the Union address. And according to Cruz, it’s a pretty obvious one.

Nancy Pelosi is terrified, number one, of her extreme left-wing base; she is captive to that; and number two, the position of Congressional Democrats in this shutdown is objectively unreasonable.

It's not a substantive disagreement; it's that they're terrified of their extreme left wing, who hates Trump. And that's why we're having a shutdown. So why does Nancy Pelosi not want the State of the Union? Because the State of the Union is an enormous platform for the president to speak directly to the American people, and she doesn't want people focusing on the substance of this issue(s).

neil degrasse tyson mic drop

Personally, I’m going to miss her scowling behind the president as he addresses the nation. For the gif opportunities. Plus the memes. We’re just selfish like that.

But Ted Cruz is right. It’s harder for Democrats to manipulate information when they don’t control it. So Nancy, being Nancy, pulled the rug from under Trump’s State of the Union venue. But let’s be honest with ourselves: Trump ain’t done yet. He’s a trollmaster, and a trollmaster trolls.

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Dan Crenshaw Torches Beto O’Rourke: He Should NEVER Be President

Posted: 18 Jan 2019 05:51 AM PST

beto

Let’s hope Beto O’Rourke wasn’t counting on Rep. Dan Crenshaw’s support (see VIDEO: Dan Crenshaw Would Like to Debate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Dan Crenshaw Embarrasses Nancy Pelosi After her Latest Dumb Immigration Comment) if/when the failed senate candidate runs for president. According to the Texas Congressman, not liking the document you are running to protect and defend is disqualifying.

“Anybody who questions the validity of the Constitution — whether it works in the modern era — should never be president.”

“If you get your teeth cleaned on Instagram live, it shows that you’re just out of touch. That doesn’t make you relatable or cool. It just makes you weird.”

Personally, I’d like to see Democrats challenge the Constitution. Through Constitutional Amendments. The way you’re supposed to. It would also be ironic to try to dismantle the Constitution while using the Constitution.

Use all the money, time, and resources it takes to convince at least 66% of the county to amend the Constitution to give people fewer rights. Like when it comes to free speech. Or the right to protect their family with a firearm. Outlaw cars while you’re at it too through the Green New Deal. Give the socialists what they really want and allow the American people to see who and what the left really is: despots.

Constitution, schmonstitution. Amirite folks?

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