#Funny News

#Funny News

GameStop Transgender Woman Speaks Out. Has No Regrets for Violence!

Posted: 16 Jan 2019 03:15 PM PST

Transgender women are real women. Repeat it until you ingrain the mantra into your intolerant mind. If you still can’t believe it, have a friend tie you to a chair, tape your eyelids open, and watch Tiffany Moore, the ravishingly beautiful woman who wrecked a GameStop over “malicious hate,” until blood oozes from your hateful eyes. Because obviously, OBVIOUSLY, Tiffany is so clearly a lady who demands your respect. Or else.

From KOB 4:

Tiffany Moore said she was returning a video game that she bought for her son shortly after Christmas, when the cashier at GameStop, on Coors and Paseo del Norte, repeatedly called her by a gender pronoun that she doesn’t identify with.

And as all ladies do, Tiffany reacted in violence by going all This is Sparta on game displays. Hey, it’s how ladies handle their frustration. We all talked about it one time at book club while painting our nails and tweeting Ryan Gosling memes. Only real ladies know.

“Yeah, I could have reacted a whole lot better," she said. "But you know what, I look back at it and if I could, I wouldn’t change a single thing. I would do it 100,000 times again. I would kick over that display 100,000 times again. Because my actions were justified. I mean, it was blatant and malicious hate. It was blatant and malicious misgendering.”

Girl, I feel you. When someone doesn’t address me exactly as I wished to be addressed, usually as “goddess divine” or “Empress Courtney,” my very first reaction is looking around for property to destroy. Puts me in touch with my feminine side. I never, NEVER, ask to speak to a manager. I never shrug my shoulders and go about my fabulous day. No, whenever someone doesn’t address me exactly as I wish to be addressed: violence. Tis the way of women. Only real women understand.

destroy panda

Ackshully, we all know if I went combat ninja warrior on someone else’s property, employees would reach for the phone and dial the Po-Po. Because someone failing to address you the way you want to be addressed doesn’t justify the destruction of property.

So what we actually have here is proof that all one needs to do to get away with criminal acts is to dress as the opposite sex, insist you’re the opposite sex despite never being the opposite sex, and threaten to sue anyone who dares question your personal truths. That’s real privilege right there, ladies and wannabe ladies. Read also Spanish Transgender Woman (a Man) Will Compete for Miss Universe.

Lastly, because I find it funny, some LwC insider messages between me and another writer. Call it a behind the scenes moment:

What can I say except you’re welcome?


UK: Women Uncomfortable with Unisex Changing Rooms as Men Let it All Hang Out

Posted: 16 Jan 2019 12:55 PM PST

UK Bath changing room

Despite the left insisting men and women are basically the same — unless they’re discussing women’s brains trapped in men’s bodies — men and women are different. Even I find myself having to explain this to people who should otherwise know it: men and women act and behave differently, we have different motivations and drives, value different facial hairstyles and in the case of the following story, policies of nakedness. A gym in Bath, England has a gender neutral changing room and let’s just say, the men are letting it all hang out and the women are none too pleased.

Leisure centre user Vicky Drew, who has a daughter, 10, said: “Men should be made more aware that this is not on.”

GLL, which runs the centre on behalf of the city council, said no-one had reported any inappropriate behaviour.

Mrs Drew said: “For some women this is extremely uncomfortable. It’s a safety issue. Women are far more likely to be sexually assaulted in unisex facilities.

“Not everybody with their toddler would like to be confronted by men with everything out.”

For the record, so far no man has done anything more than let his crotch serpent taste the sweet, free air. So far no man has done more than expose his bare buttocks to feminine eyes. But as a general rule, women don’t like to see naked men. I know this is confusing to some men, as most men like to see naked women. Again, men and women are not the same. Also as a general rule, most of the men who let it all hang out at a gym are not the kind of men teen girls plaster all over their binders, surrounded with pink hearts.

Listen to Debz:

This is what happens when “we’re really all the same” becomes the heralding cry of a generation. Because we’re really not the same. Women tend to find most naked men an assault on the eyes. To paraphrase a Seinfeld episode, a woman’s body is a work of art, a man’s body is like a sport utility vehicle. And for a lot of men, that SUV is more like an Eco-line van. An old, dented van. No offense.

So maybe someday soon we can re-segregate the sexes with ladies having their own changing room, and unabashed men can have their own changing room. Where they’re free to traipse around naked with nary a care. Related: Naked Man in Women’s Bathroom, Cites Gender Rule And the City Can’t do Crap!



PETA Releases Bizarre Vegetable Fruit Phallic Ad in Efforts to Fight “Toxic Masculinity”

Posted: 16 Jan 2019 11:35 AM PST

Trigger-warning: you will never unsee this. You will wish after you’ve seen it that you hadn’t seen it. But you know, despite how bad the following video is, that you must see it. PETA, in efforts to ride the disastrous coattails of Gillette, released the most cringy video anyone has ever seen this year. Wherein weird looking dudes dance and gyrate with phallic shaped fruit and veggies.

I’m just going to say it. The type of guy who finds this ad appealing, the kind of guy who watches other dudes tossing green junk about and thinks “YES, I’M FINALLY ABANDONING MEAT TO GO CARROTS” should do all woman-kind a favor and stick to sexbots. It’s getting rather exhausting having to hit mute, block, left swipe or else try to avoid creepers, so save us all the trouble and just stick your carrot into a robot. If you think saying no to traditional masculinity with fruit is the answer, let’s be honest: you were never that masculine to begin with. Spare us the lecture on how you’re eschewing masculinity, bronco.

Looking at the macro context on all this, what’s happened to the state of marketing and public relations departments and/or the industry at large? I really want to know who thought this ad was a good idea. Who thought men with veggie junk dancing to techno would help sway the vegan cause? Probably the same idiots behind the Gillette disaster.

FYI, vegans are actually a rather sickly bunch. Check out New Report: Vegans Take Twice as Many Sick Days as Meat-Eaters.


Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Wants to Gang Rape the Progressive Agenda?

Posted: 16 Jan 2019 09:49 AM PST

gang rape

SPOILER: The following isn’t about expressing at Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s weird choice of words (see Press Asks Trump About Ocasio-Cortez. He Responds: "Who Cares?" and Whoopi Goldberg Tells Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to Sit Down and Learn). That said, we plan on engaging in plenty of mockery, as the Congresswoman deserves. Let’s just remember, outrage requires taking AOC seriously as a serious person. Not as someone who just said she was going to gang rape the progressive agenda.

Not just the agenda. Sounds like she’s going to rape the entire Democrat party.

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez mocked her critics in a Washington Post interview, telling them to "enjoy being exhausted for the next two years while we run train on the progressive agenda."


Ah, “run train.” Urban Dictionary defines it as follows:

to “gangbang” a girl with several friends.

I suppose the Notorious AOC wasn’t aware of what the phrase meant. I mean, she’s cool and impresses the media with all the latest slang. Maybe she missed this one. Though gang bang is an accurate way to describe the progressive agenda. If progressives are running the prison yard. And taxpayers just dropped the soap.

Shameless whataboutism alert: let’s pretend for a second Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was a Republican. You and I both know the rape flub would be on the front page of 24/7 news sites. Saturday Night Live would create an entire bit about the train running whoopsie. We’d never stop hearing about it.

But AOC has liberal privilege. On top of hot liberal privilege. So she’ll get a pass.


“If Bible Characters Had Phones” is the Comedy Break You Need Today

Posted: 16 Jan 2019 09:18 AM PST

Tomorrow, January 17th, is 2019’s most magical day. It’s the day Louder with Crowder gives itself back to the world, hitting the airwaves with offense, truth and comedic goodness. It’s bound to blow your mind clear off your shoulders. But until then and to tide you over, check out this routine by John Crist: if Biblical characters had iPhones.

“Jesus got a blue checkmark? He only has 12 followers!”

We made our own Jesus iPhone reference in a post from long ago: Yes I’m a Christian. Yes, I Carry a Gun. No, It’s not “Hypocritical” because imagining characters of old with easy access to texting and social media is pretty funny. I just sometimes wish God would send me a quick text letting me know about His plans. Oh well.

More than that, we don’t often see good conservative or Christian comedy. In fact, most Christian comedy is pretty cringe. So props to John Crist here for actually making some Biblical humor. Just don’t cave to the “we should never joke about anything Biblical” crowd. Related: Jesus Vs. Muhammad.


New Report: Vegans Take Twice as Many Sick Days as Meat-Eaters

Posted: 16 Jan 2019 08:32 AM PST

Vegans get sicker

Sorry to polite vegans out there, but some of your brethren are misery personified. Maybe they’re so miserable because, according to a new report from the UK, vegans are sickly. I’d say I’m surprised, but since adopting a high protein (from animals, not beans) diet, I rarely get sick. Anecdotal sure, but pass the bacon.

From the Scottish Sun:

[Vegans] were also three times more likely to visit the GP.

Vegans reportedly booking 2.6 appointments to see the doctor during the cold and flu season, compared to the national average of 0.7.

Two-thirds of vegans also admitted to taking more time off work due to illness in 2018 than in previous years.

The time taken off is not to engage in sporting activities, great debates, or seminars on how to win people over with nothing but charm and personality. Vegans just seem to get sicker more often than those who are not insufferable trollops eager to pass off their insufferableness as a higher plain of moral understanding.

Meanwhile half of meat eaters said they took the same amount of time off, and a third actually reckoned they took less time off in 2018.

The study of 1,000 office workers was part of the Fisherman's Friend annual cold and flu survey.

Now to be fair, this study also examined the work habits of Millennials versus Boomers, and found Millennials took more time off. But how many of them are vegans, thinking about becoming vegans, or needed the extra holidays to get offended on Twitter? Let’s be understanding here. Boomers struggle to use technology and are thus shielded from the triggers polluting the net. Millennials, especially vegan Millennials, suffer greatly due to microagressions, white privileges, and reality.

Look it vegans, we’ll stop mocking you when it ceases to be fun. So never.


Representative Mo Brooks Shares Story of Family Killed by Illegal MS-13 Gang Members

Posted: 16 Jan 2019 06:32 AM PST

Here’s a story you’ll never see on CNN, MSNBC, ABC or CBS news. MS-13 gang members, who were also illegal aliens, brutally murdered a grandmother and her thirteen year old granddaughter. Representative Mo Brooks from Alabama discussed them on the floor of the House to highlight the nasty reality of illegal immigration.

The story itself is from July of 2018. Mo Brooks is simply recalling it to highlight what’s at stake:

Two men murdered a Huntsville woman and her granddaughter because one of them didn’t trust the grandmother after a drug-smuggling trip from Georgia to Alabama, authorities testified in court Thursday.

In a preliminary hearing for Yoni Aguilar, 26, investigators said they believe he and Israel Gonzalez Palomino, 34, had been moving drugs along with Oralia Mendoza, and another woman.

Mendoza, 49, and her granddaughter, Mariah Lopez, 13, were found dead in Owens Cross Roads. Lopez’s remains were found June 7 on Lemley Drive. Mendoza’s remains were found about a week later in Moon Cemetery, not far from where Lopez was found.

It appears at least the grandmother was part of the cartel moving the drugs. Which is another problem, yes. But the thirteen year old was not a member of anything but her school. Mattered not. The gang members beheaded her. A thirteen year old girl.

These illegal immigrants are not gifts of love. They’re not, as Nancy Pelosi famously said, children of God. They’re monsters who shouldn’t be in this country. Hard stop.

We need more stories like this brought to the forefront. And we need that wall.


Roku Deplatforms InfoWars After Online “Backlash”

Posted: 16 Jan 2019 06:12 AM PST

There used to be a time when if you didn’t like something, you just didn’t partake in that thing in which you didn’t like. But times have devolved. Now if you don’t like something, you get it removed, to alleviate the burden on your already delicate mind. Which is exactly what happened to InfoWars. They had a channel on Roku, but probably about five ninnies decided just having to scroll past the logo on Roku was too much for their woke sensibilities to handle. Ergo Roku canned InfoWars.

Obviously those same dweebs who called for the deplatforming of InfoWars are cheering. Because something something Alex Jones and frogs of hate. By the way, did you know we have online merch about deplatforming?

But what if I tweeted at Roku and demanded they remove MSNBC because Rachael Maddow gives me the heebie jeebies? What if I said they needed to cancel CNN, because Don Lemon is dumber than a breadbox and I’m offended such an idiot thinks he’s smarter than me? Same goes for Chris Cuomo. Roku would tell me what it should: “Ma’am, just don’t click on their channel, and you’ll be fine.”

Why wasn’t the same said to the idiots who forgo exercise everyday in lieu of finding things for which to be offended?

Related: Ricky Gervais Nails PC Culture:’Just Because You’re Offended Doesn’t Mean You’re Right!’