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#Diversity


When You Love An Alcoholic

Posted: 03 Jul 2019 06:00 PM PDT

I met my husband in the fall of 1996. We were young. Very young. (He was 11 and I — six months his senior — had recently turned 12.) And we were innocent. Life was carefree. But over the years, things changed. We changed, and the boy I met in art class became an alcoholic. A drink 'til you pass out or blackout alcoholic.

Make no mistake: He was functional. During this time, he held down numerous jobs and received several promotions. He completed an Associate's degree, a Bachelor's degree and graduated from both programs with high honors. And we got married. During these years, we welcomed the first of two children. But he lost days and weeks to his disease.

He became hollow, and I shut down. In an effort to save myself and our marriage, I shut up and checked out.

Sérgio Alves Santos/Unsplash

The good news is that (eventually) he dried out. He sobered up and got help. And, God willing, this September we will celebrate five years sans booze. But over the course of our 20-plus year relationship I've learned a few things about loving an alcoholic, and since alcoholism affects more than 15 million Americans each year, these are lessons that should be shared.

Before I get into nitty gritty, let me say: whether the alcoholic in your life is your mother, your father, your spouse, your child, or a dear friend, their illness is not your problem. It is not caused by something you did or did not do, and it is not your fault. It is also not a reflection of the alcoholic’s feelings towards you, i.e. too often those left in the wake of addiction think "if he only loved me enough" or "if we only had enough." But stop. That line of thinking is toxic. Your partner and/or loved one's inability to stop drinking has nothing to do with you — or how much they love you — and succumbing to those beliefs will only harm you.

It will destroy you in the same way liquor is destroying your loved one.

So keep yourself healthy by considering these facts and by remembering that — in spite of their illness — you can (and should) put yourself first.

1. Alcoholism is a disease, not a choice.

I know what you're thinking; you just said that, and you're right. This piggybacks on my previous point, but it bears repeating. Why? Because alcoholism is a complex disease. It is a confusing disease, and it is a painful disease. But most importantly? It is a disease, one which your loved one cannot will their way out of.

2. Don’t accept unacceptable behavior.

We've all said or done things we regret while under the influence. I have cried and screamed about nonsensical bullshit. On numerous occasions, I've demanded a divorce. But that does not mean you should allow yourself to be stomped on or beat up. You shouldn't be a proverbial punching bag or doormat, and being victimized on a regular basis — physically, mentally, emotionally, or verbally — is a problem. Full stop. So set boundaries because YOU ARE WORTH IT.

Roberto Roman/Unsplash

3. Put yourself first.

Focusing on your health and well-being may seem counterintuitive, especially when the alcoholic in your life is so very sick; however, it is imperative you take care of yourself. I mean, you can't pour from an empty cup, right? Also, addicts and alcoholics thrive on codependency, so if you want to help your loved one, help yourself.

4. Ask for help.

I know, when I said "help yourself," you were wondering how. And I get it. I've been there. It seems like there are endless resources available to (and for) alcoholics, but those in relationships with addicts or alcoholics seem to be left behind. But fear not, there really is help — and hope. Al-Anon, a program for those "worried about someone with a drinking problem," hosts meetings in all 50 states and dozens of countries. Substance abuse counselors can be found in Asia, Europe, North America, South America, Australia and Africa and online support groups are accessible to anyone with internet access.

Kaley Dykstrra/Unsplash

5. Find "your line" (and draw it in concrete).

Boundaries are important in every relationship, but they are particularly important when you are dealing with an addict or alcoholic. Addicts are master manipulators, after all. Of course, only you know what your limitations are. (I stayed in spite of verbal abuse, physical abuse, and emotional abuse, but you don't have to.) Decide what you are willing to handle and/or can handle and then set hard, fast lines, i.e. "I'm not going to drink with you… or buy drinks for you," "I'm not going to give money to you," and "I'm not going to live with you unless/until you get help."

6. And finally, remember “The Three Cs.”

You didn't cause it. You can't control it, and you can't cure it. Period. End of freakin' discussion.

 

For more information about loving an alcoholic, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Service Administration at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or find anAl-Anon meeting in your area.

The post When You Love An Alcoholic appeared first on Scary Mommy.

How Losing A Friendship Impacted My Kids

Posted: 03 Jul 2019 06:00 PM PDT

I really love talking about emotions. Mine. Yours. In general. It comes naturally to me to discuss my difficult feelings. I love a deep conversation more than almost anything else. Joy, fear, trauma, hopes, dreams, pain…I'm in for all of it.

As a general rule, I don't really separate most feelings into categories like good and bad. To me, feelings are either easy or hard. I think even the hardest feelings can be useful (and therefore "good") if working through them helps me get to a better place.

I don't always feel strong enough to face down the tough stuff though. I've intentionally avoided talking about plenty of things until I felt enough time had passed that I could do it with some level of strength. When I'm healthy and balanced (which for me means not struggling hard with anxiety), I always find that discussing the hard things with someone I trust leads me to the most growth.

A professional counselor is a great choice for that kind of discussion. Sometimes big feelings are more than just feelings. If you are struggling hard, you could be experiencing depression or anxiety. If that's the case, please, please reach out to someone who can help get your brain chemistry balanced. You're worth it, and you don't deserve to suffer. We need you here.

Teaching my children to recognize, explain, and work with (instead of against) their emotions is really important to me.

A few months ago, I had the chance to have a great conversation with my son after he lied to me. He is usually such an honest person, and I couldn't believe my ears when he confidently spouted a blatant untruth right to my face.

The lie was small, but that wasn't the point. My son needs to learn the importance of telling the truth because decent humans should know that.

When he lied to me, I didn't play any games trying to get him to confess. I told him right away that I knew he wasn't telling the truth. I let him know that I wasn't mad at him, but I was disappointed that he would choose to lie. Part of the reason we have a household rule against lying is to keep him safe. We talk a lot about secrets versus surprises, and tricky people. I reiterated there is nothing he can't tell me the truth about.

He started to cry. My heart broke.

The biggest part of me wanted to just tell him it was okay, forget that I mentioned it, dry his tears, and send him off to play. But I couldn't. Being dishonest isn't going to serve him well throughout his life, so I had to let him feel the pain of making the disappointing choice.

In our house, we don't use isolation as punishment, and nobody cries alone unless they ask for the space. Even though this was a teaching moment, I held him until he was done crying. He told me he felt "bad, sad, and sorry."

I told him I was happy to hear that because when you do something you aren't supposed to do, and you feel bad and sad about it, that's remorse. Remorse feels bad, but it's actually good because it means you have a good heart.

I explained that the sorry feeling is called regret. Regret means now that you see the outcome of your decision, you wish you had made a different choice. It feels bad to regret, but it helps us remember not to make the same mistake twice.

That night, my son learned a really important truth: Bad feelings are good teachers.

The lesson I started to teach him that night is one I work hard to put into practice in my own life. I do my best to confront my own sadness, pain, and disappointment so it won't fester and eat me up.

A couple months ago, I lost a friendship. Not just any friendship — my very best friendship.

It's hard to mourn someone who isn't gone but is gone from you. I tried to reserve my emotion for my own quiet moments, but I'm with my kids 24/7, and they don't always respect closed doors. At least once, each of my kids saw me cry.

I try to be honest with them, so I told them that I was sad because I missed my friend. I explained that grownups cry when we feel sad and overwhelmed, just like kids. To reassure them, I let them know that I wouldn't be sad forever, and it was just a moment that would pass.

My six-year-old was unfazed. He totally gets it. Feelings don't freak him out at all.

Even my 3-year-old even understood. When he walked in on me during a sad moment, he patted my back, handed me my cell phone and said, "Let's call Daddy." My boy knows just what I need already. He's got this.

It's been a couple months, and I am at peace again. Losing that friendship was SO DAMN HARD, but it gave me a chance talk to my kids about sadness and loss. My hard feelings taught me, and they allowed me to teach my kids. In the end, I've found a way to be thankful for the whole mess.

Just this week, someone I love received an overwhelming diagnosis. As he was trying to tell me how it made him feel, he just lost his words. There was no phrase or sentence in the English language adequate to express the way fear and pain were living simultaneously in his heart with resolve and hope. He sighed and laid his head back. All I said was, "I know. I understand."

There was nothing else I could say. Minimizing his experience would be useless. He has to feel his way through. There's no way to speed this emotional process up. Pretending it's not happening won't make it any easier. He just has to let the hard feelings roll in like a wave, crest, and eventually break and wash away. His hard feelings will motivate him to make the healthy choices that will save his life.

I want my kids to grow up to be smart and kind and brave — and able to do the difficult emotional work of adulthood with some level of grace.

Part of that is allowing them to feel the weight of poor decisions. If they break a rule, they have to live with it. I try not to save them from the natural consequences of their choices. Another part is helping them see sadness, fear, pain, loss, regret, and uncertainty as inevitable.

Of course, we don't have to embrace the pain and live there, wallowing in our misery, using it as an excuse to hurt people. I firmly believe that controlling our actions while we work through our emotions is absolutely necessary. Like I tell my children, "It's okay to feel mad at your family. It's not okay to scream, hit or disrespect your family in your anger." If you use your feelings to make excuses for your bad behavior, you aren't growing. You're just pitching a fit.

We just need to be prepared for the idea that hard things are going to come our way, and then be ready to breathe through them with the reassurance that better days are coming next.

I want my kids to be good people more than I want to save them from every hard thing. I believe that some of their best lessons will come as a result of their poor choices, and some of the others will come from painful experiences.

As much as it hurts, I think we need to resist the urge to rescue our kids and loved ones from the tough stuff.

We just need to work on making peace with the inevitability of difficult emotions, then hopefully, we will be able learn the lessons they're trying to teach.

The post How Losing A Friendship Impacted My Kids appeared first on Scary Mommy.

You Have A Baby, Don’t Feel Obligated To Do Anything Else

Posted: 03 Jul 2019 03:02 PM PDT

Mamas, listen up: You brought a baby into this world and do not need to feel obligated to do anything other than bond with that baby. Don't feel compelled to clean your house. Or to meet your aunt for brunch. Or to even take a shower ⏤ although when someone comes to babysit, you might want to make that a priority, because it's been a hot minute since you've had one. #HuggOn

The post You Have A Baby, Don't Feel Obligated To Do Anything Else appeared first on Scary Mommy.

We’re Losing Our Hair After Giving Birth But These Treatments Can Really Help

Posted: 03 Jul 2019 02:01 PM PDT

best postpartum hair loss treatments

As if pregnancy didn't come with enough less-than-pretty perks, from nausea to constant headaches, constipation, and swelling all over. (What's up, cankles?) New moms have new issues to deal with, starring the ever-obnoxious postpartum hair loss. 

What is postpartum hair loss?

You might be asking if you've yet to push your baby out. Well, you know that one single great beauty benefit that pregnancy brings along with that "glow"— the thick and shiny hair? Some of it's about to fall out — in clumps. Yep. 

"Everyone loses 50-100 hairs a day as part of the normal hair growth cycle, but for women who've recently given birth, this hair growth cycle can be altered by fluctuating hormone levels, making it normal to experience hair loss three to six months postpartum," explains Angela Phipps, D.O., A.B.H.R.S., hair loss expert and medical advisor to Hair Club. "While this condition is temporary, it may take up to a full year to regain normal fullness." Well, sh*t.

But wait, before you start casting spells to keep your strands solid, know that there’s good news in addition to knowing postpartum shedding is temporary: There are a ton of products on the market today that not only help treat postpartum shedding, but claim to prevent it altogether. Read on for some of the best-touted products for postpartum shedding.

Moon Juice SuperHair™ Daily Hair Nutrition

ALSO HELPS RELIEVE STRESS (PRAISE BE)

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A daily hair supplement that not only promotes healthier, thicker, longer and stronger strands, but also helps fight stress? Ahem, sign us up! To say the life of a new mom is stressful is an understatement — it's full-blown hectic. Score yourself a sanity saver and a strand saver in one with this SuperHair™ supplement. This nutrition supplement features a multivitamin mix with an Ayurvedic spin, containing healing and health-promoting ingredients like ashwagandha and ginseng. 

Reserveage Collagen Replenish Powder

GIVES YOUR SKIN A WELCOMED BOOST, TOO

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Renowned celebrity dermatologist, Dendy Engelman, MD, raves about the benefits of using this supplemental collagen for your skin — but have you also seen her gorgeous head of hair (after having two babies nearly back-to-back)? Yeah… we're convinced of its tress-boosting powers, too. Plus, plenty of moms swear by collagen supplements for postpartum hair loss. Engelman recommends mixing this odorless, tasteless powder into any beverage on the daily for an added skin, hair, and nail boost.

Nutrafol Hair Loss Thinning Supplement

HAS CLINICAL RESULTS TO BACK IT UP

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Most hair loss products on the market are geared and advertised towards men, so it's refreshing to find one that was actually created for women. Nutrafol is a 100 percent drug-free, super-concentrated natural product that's clinically shown to boost hair growth performance. The company’s "Women Core Plus" has proven to be one of the most effective and healthy supplements to help with postpartum hair loss.

Olaplex Hair Perfector No. 3 Repairing Treatment

FOR THAT FRESH-OUT-THE-SALON FEEL

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One great way to help prevent extreme postpartum shedding is to get your hair in top-notch condition, which (let's be honest) is no easy feat with a screaming baby who's latched onto your nipple 90 percent of the time. Enter: Olaplex. It’s God's greatest gift to the hair cuticle. It can repair damaged strands in just one use and works on all hair types.

KÉRASTASE Resistance Length Strengthening Scalp Serum

HAIR TREATMENT YOU DON'T HAVE TO WASH OUT

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If you're like most nanny-free new moms, getting enough time to wash your body in the shower is enough of an accomplishment, let alone your hair. And forget about conditioner that you have to "let sit" for at least five minutes. Enter this scalp serum you can leave in your hair that promises to strengthen your strands and help hair grow.

Foligain Stimulating Shampoo

IN CASE YOU HAVE TIME TO SHOWER

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Okay so if you do have time to shampoo while you're in the shower, let it be with this treatment for thinning hair. Its key ingredient, Trioxidil, contains a bevy of bioactive ingredients that work simultaneously to help the hair look fuller and boost scalp health. Have enough time to condition, too? Follow up with their Triple Action Conditioner.

Hand Craft 100% Pure Castor Oil

OLDIE BUT GOODIE

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New moms still swear by this time-honored oil that's been around since, well, let's go with pretty much the dawn of time. This list of things castor oil can't do is probably shorter than what it can: It enhances hair's natural color, locks in moisture, boosts circulation and helps hair grow. It also promotes natural eyelash growth, moisturizes skin, relieves muscle and joint pain, and the list goes on.

Evolis Professional Reverse Activator

HAS CLINICAL RESULTS TO BACK IT UP

postpartum hair loss evolis professional reverse activator serum

Evolisproducts.com

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An army of new moms boast about this product like it's also helping their baby sleep through the night. It's a liquid activator that's meant to be applied to the scalp twice a day that promises to grow your hair by 20 percent — but, it needs to be used daily and either while pregnant or right after. Impressive: 95 percent of users noticed an increase in hair thickness within 90 days.

Read More: 

7 Actually Tasty Prenatal Vitamins That Are Not Horse Pills

These 'Toy Story' Toys Will Take Your Kid's Imagination To Infinity And Beyond

These Sunscreens For Kids Are Reef-Safe And Smell So Good

Our mom experts only recommend picks they really love. We may earn a commission on purchases made through links from our site, but if we love it, we know you'll love it. And we Scary Mommies gotta stick together. 

The post We’re Losing Our Hair After Giving Birth But These Treatments Can Really Help appeared first on Scary Mommy.

Best Baby Shark Toys To Collect If Your Patience For The Franchise Hasn’t Worn Too Fin

Posted: 03 Jul 2019 01:17 PM PDT

best baby shark toys

Baby Shark is the kind of wholesome, pure entertainment kids deserve, but what about the parents, Pinkfong? The parents definitely didn't deserve this kind, nor this level, of torture. Seriously, patience is wearing fin. (BTW: Pinkfong is the brand that released the Baby Shark song.) 

Between swimming its way onto the Billboard 100 back in January (jury's still out on how that happened), landing its own TV series on Nickelodeon (because, lol, the universe hates you), and the franchise going on freakin' tour this fall, Baby Shark's popularity is at an all-time high. But it doesn't stop at tours dates and TV episodes, Mama. Oh no, Baby Shark toys and merch are popping up left and right, and don't think  for a second your little bundle of joy hasn't noticed. 

They have. 

They have, and they want it all

Now, luckily, not all Baby Shark toys blare that song every time you give the plush a squeeze, but fair warning, Mom: PinkFong knows its customer, and it ain't you. It's your child. You know, the one who demands you play the Baby Shark video on demand, your iPhone, iPad, or use your own windpipe to curb their ear's craving? The one whose smile lights up the room as soon as they hear that irritatingly melodic "doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo"? 

As much as we all love to hate on the entire Baby Shark phenomenon, we also really love to see our kids happy. So whether or not you can stomach one more verse without pulling out your hair, it really doesn't matter, does it? What baby wants, baby gets, and baby wants these damn Baby Shark toys.

1. Pinkfong Baby Shark Official Sound Book

baby-shark-toys-pinkfong-sound-book

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Sound books are essential for your baby or toddler's home library, because not only will they love the musical element, they'll also be able to engage with the story by pressing the made-for-baby buttons associated with each page. Luckily, The Pinkfong Baby Shark Official Sound Book isn't comprised of just that one ear-splitting song on repeat. Instead, the book features 10 rhymes and melodies like Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Shark and Shark ABC, that will at least enchant and educate your little one.

2. WowWee Pinkfong Baby Shark Official Song Cube

baby-shark-toys-wowwee-baby-shark-sound-cube

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Meet your child's new mini BFF. Unfortunately, unlike a skinny song book you can cleverly stash out of reach, the WowWee Pinkfong Baby Shark Official Song Cube is just big enough for a toddler to grab and never let go of. Preschoolers will also get a kick out of these vibrant plushies because they're collectible, stackable, and can rattle off not one, but four verses of the original Baby Shark ballad. But should shark karaoke get out of hand, the batteries are, indeed, removable. 

3. Play-Doh Pinkfong Baby Shark Set

baby-shark-toys-play-doh

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Desperate for this baby shark craze to blow over? Hate to break it to you, Mom, but as far as we can tell, the Baby Shark phenomenon isn't dying down any time soon. But if your kids are willing to compromise, try trading in their singing toys for this Play-Doh (doh, doh, doh, doh, doh) Pinkfong Baby Shark Set. It's honestly the ideal baby shark toy for moms and kids alike because while it's silent, it still entertains their obsession with the franchise.  

4. Little Golden Book Baby Shark! By Mike Jackson

baby-shark-toys-little-golden-book

PRE-ORDER IT NOW

Annoying though it may be, you can't deny Baby Shark struck gold if Little Golden Book is putting the concept to hardcover. Written by Golden Books and illustrated by Mike Jackson, now your little one can read all about the adventures of their favorite shark family in this story that is said to bring the hit interactive song alive on each page. Note: The title won't be available until August 27, but pre-order is already underway, so get your name on the list stat. At the very least,  you can probably trade the collectible for cash when your kid goes to college.

5. BookBag Plush Baby Shark School Bag

baby-shark-toys-bookbag

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With BookBag's Plush Baby Shark school bag, your little shark will definitely stand out in a school of fishies. Designed to swim alongside your little guppy through their toddler years, preschool, and even kindergarten, does it really get much better than a backpack that promises years of wear. Bonus: It costs under $15. The accessory comes in three colors (blue, yellow, and pink) so you can buy your child's favorite, or collect them all to mix and match through the years. It’s made with cotton and easy-to-clean lining so mess is a non-issue. 

6. OKLady Baby Shark Doo Doo Outfit

baby-shark-toys-oklady

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Just in case you somehow forget how the song goes, Mom, you can have Baby Shark lyrics stitched onto your child's clothing as a reminder. But seriously, how adorable is this OKLady Baby Shark Doo Doo outfit? Each set is unisex, and the collection features 11 different designs referencing that irritatingly catchy verse you just cannot get out of your head. And while you may not love what the set stands for, you'll love how your child looks in it. 

7. Super Simple Baby Shark Official Plush

baby-shark-toys-super-simple-plush

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Baby Shark is the ear-worm sinking deeper and deeper inside your brain with each playback on TV, your smartphone, and now, the toys being mass marketed by the thousands. But sometimes, life is fair. Like when you come across Super Simple's Baby Shark Official Plush, squeeze it tight, check its lining for zippers, and it dawns on you: There's no voice box… no on-switch. It's simply a Baby Shark toy that looks like a shark but doesn't sing like one. Bingo.  

8. Pinkfong Baby Shark Melody Pad 

baby-shark-toys-pinkfong-sound-pad

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Attention Moms: Batteries are not included in this PinkFong Baby Shark Melody Pad. Do what you will with that information. That being said, PinkFong's melody pad does play 16 songs kiddies are bound to go crazy over, and there's really nothing better than seeing their little faces light up with each melody. 

9. WowWee Pinkfong Baby Shark Official Sound Doll

baby-shark-toys-wowwee-sound-doll

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For kiddies whose fingers aren't so tiny, try the PinkFong Baby Shark Official Sound Dolls on for size. There's a baby plush, a mommy plush, and daddy plush, so your child can collect them all. One gentle squeeze sends four verses of “Baby Shark” flowing through your home, and each set of batteries is long-lasting. How great is that, Mom? Mom? Mom…

10. Scholastic Bedtime For Baby Shark By John John Bajet

baby-shark-toys-scholastic-bedtime-baby-shark-book

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By now, you've probably lost your mind over all things Baby Shark (and if you haven't, how?). Thankfully if your child still has the urge to burst into song under the covers, Scholastic has a solution. Bedtime for Baby Shark shows little ones that even singing sharks need to take their bows eventually. There’s really  no better way to say go the f*ck to sleep than with this playful picture book.

More:

Here's The Heavy Metal Version Of 'Baby Shark' That Absolutely No One Asked For

Drag Queen Sings 'Baby Shark' At Toddler's Request And Nails It

A 'Baby Shark' Show Is Coming To Netflix, And Now There's No Escaping It

The post Best Baby Shark Toys To Collect If Your Patience For The Franchise Hasn’t Worn Too Fin appeared first on Scary Mommy.

Wasps Are Building Nests The Size Of Cars Thanks To Climate Change

Posted: 03 Jul 2019 12:37 PM PDT

Worried about climate change? Add swarms of thousands of yellow jackets to your list

An entomologist in Alabama warns that due to the mild winter, the state may well see an outbreak of yellow jacket “super nests,” which can grow as big as a car and contain up to 15,000 stinging insects.

Fan-freaking-tastic.

The last time there was a widely-reported outbreak of these super nests was in 2006, after another mild winter, and researchers believe that these conditions could worsen with global warming and climate change. Check out this nest trying to take over a whole house.

Charles Ray

And this one filling up a whole car. Phew. Nightmare fodder.

Charles Ray

Oh, and another one taking up residence inside an old mattress. Super cool.

Charles Ray

Charles Ray, an entomologist working with the Alabama Cooperative Extension System, talked to Auburn University about the phenomenon and why it happens.

He explained that the large nests, called perennial nests, happen when mild winters don’t kill the bugs off, or ruin their food supply. So instead of the queens finding new spots for a yearly nest, they simply expand their current nest, sometimes with multiple queens ruling the roost.

A normal yellow jacket nest should contain from 4,000 to 5,000 insects, and goes through an annual lifecycle that controls the population. Super nests are huge freaks of nature.

"These perennial nests may be several feet wide and have many thousands of workers, far more than an average nest," Ray said. "We have found them attached to home exteriors and other places you might not expect to find yellow jackets.”

Like, literally climbing up the side of a house. Neato!

Charles Ray

How big can these nests get? You kind of don’t want to know.

"The most workers I have counted in a perennial nest is about 15,000 or about 3 to 4 times more than a normal nest," he said. "However, one nest in South Carolina was documented with more 250,000 workers."

We told you that you probably didn’t want to know.

The last time that these super nests were spotted in Alabama was in 2006 — Ray tracked about 90 of them. This year, it’s still early in the season, but Ray has already tracked two nests, with rumors of more. If the trend continues, there could be more than 90 of these enormous nests by fall.

"If we are seeing them a month sooner than we did in 2006, I am very concerned that there will be a large number of them in the state,” he said. “The nests I have seen this year already have more than 10,000 workers and are expanding rapidly."

Nerdist reports that 15 nests have been spotted as of the beginning of July.

Ray also said that the region affected by the nests is spreading this year.

“In previous years, I've never seen one north of Talladega. (This year) I've got two possible in the Tennessee Valley," he told a local news station. "It looks like we may be having another break out year."

Here are three that Ray has found in July.

Charles Ray

Charles Ray

Charles Ray

What should you do if you find a super nest? First of all, stay away. Even though Ray says that super nest colonies are less aggressive than other yellow jackets, they can still sting — in 2006, three people where seriously injured by the creatures.

Secondly, contact Ray so that he can track and study the phenomenon: raychah@aces.edu or at raychah@auburn.edu.

As for removal? Ray says absolutely don’t try to take on the task yourself — call a professional. Although even some commercial rigs won’t touch these giant nests.

This is just one more issue that is probably arising out of climate change. Not to mention our issues with disappearing bees, which is very likely due to stuff humans have caused.

The post Wasps Are Building Nests The Size Of Cars Thanks To Climate Change appeared first on Scary Mommy.

10 Drugstore Tinted Moisturizers That Save You Money And Mirror Time

Posted: 03 Jul 2019 12:35 PM PDT

best drugstore tinted moisturizer

Moms have superhuman powers from the ability to calm an anxious baby to making the house livable despite piles of toys and stacks of dirty bottles in the sink. But waking up with every worry wrinkle and dark mark of exhaustion concealed? Now that's something even Mom of the Year has yet to master. Finding the right drugstore tinted moisturizer that will save you money and time, can help.

Why do moms need tinted moisturizer?

Tinted moisturizer is a multi-faceted product that will nourish your skin, enhance your inner glow, smooth over any impurities, and leave you feeling fresh in every sense of the word. And whatever your daily mommy duties are, chances are mornings can be the most hectic time of day. Why not invest in a one-stop-shop, so you don't have to spend extra minutes in front of the bathroom mirror?

best drugstore tinted moisturizer

How do moms apply drugstore tinted moisturizer?

All you'll need to apply tinted moisturizer evenly are clean fingers. And if you don’t have time for at least 30 seconds with soap and water before heading to daycare, just stash some Purell in your glove compartment or use a wet nap from your baby bag. Wash off, dot a few drops of the product onto your face, and gently dab for even application.

Whoever said you need an Instagram-worthy vanity to get effortlessly glam was never a mom. Here are our favorite drugstore tinted moisturizers:

L’Oréal Paris True Match Lumi Glotion

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Sometimes mamas let their inner glow go after baby comes along, but just because the spotlight has shifted, doesn't mean you need to dim down your radiance, Mom. Applying just a few drops of L’Oréal Paris's True Match Lumi Glotion will enhance that all-natural glow you loved and lost, with the added benefit of providing your skin with a burst of hydration a la shea butter and glycerin. Plus, the lotion's formula is incredibly airy, which is essential for you. You have enough weight on your shoulders.

Physicians Formula Organic Wear Natural Origin Tinted Moisturizer

best drugstore tinted moisturizer physicians formula

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Organic formulas typically cost an arm and a leg, but you're already giving your heart and soul to the #momlife. Ergo, we found a drugstore tinted moisturizer that's clean, affordable, and travel-friendly for mamas-on-the-go who barely have time to breathe, let alone paint on a full face before heading out the door. Physicians Formula Organic Wear 100%  Natural Tinted Moisturizer is comprised of 80% certified organic ingredients, like shea butter, fruit water, jojoba, sunflower seed, and avocado oils. This two-in-one formula supplies optimal hydration, with just a hint of SPF 15 to keep your complexion protected from sun exposure. It's also offers sheer coverage and light color correction to take your face from incredibly wiped out to woke-up-flawless.

e.l.f. Cosmetics Tinted Moisturizer

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It just wouldn't be a complete list of the best drugstore tinted moisturizers without E.L.F. Cosmetics. This brand's tinted moisturizer is one of the best on the market. If you're looking for something on the cheaper side that gets the job done, and done well, look no further. The 0.88 ounce tube is also made for travel, so if you have errands to run after dropping off the kiddies at school, no problem. Just drop the bottle into your makeup bag and dab the cream into your complexion at the gas station… or in the grocery store parking lot.

Neutrogena Hydro Boost Hydrating Tint

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You tell your kids not to judge a book by its cover, so don't judge a tinted moisturizer by its bottle. The Neutrogena Hydro Boost Hydrating Tint might look like an expensive, weighty foundation, but this drugstore tinted moisturizer is incredibly lightweight (and cheap). It’s also been formulated specifically with dry skin types in mind, to ensure parched complexions can find relief. Plus, the comfortable formula doesn't enhance dry patches, it creates a smooth finish so you look and feel fresh all day long. It’s available in 10 shades.

Maybelline Dream Fresh BB Cream


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If you're on the hunt for a drugstore tinted moisturizer with a generous dose of sun protection, Maybelline takes the cake. With a whopping 30 SPF, Maybelline's water-gel Dream Fresh BB Cream comes available in five shades, all of which brighten, smooth, hydrate, and yield a dewy finish. Translation: Mamas who aren't making it to the beach very much this summer in the name of whiny toddlers, need this.

IMAN Skin Tone Evener BB Crème

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Not all makeup is super inclusive for every skin tone, but thankfully brands like Iman exclusively cater to darker shades. The Iman Skin Tone Evener BB Creme is truly a skincare-meets-makeup hybrid that features skin-loving ingredients like vitamins A, C, and E, grapeseed oil, almond, aloe vera, and just a hint of color to offer a you-but-better finished product.

Covergirl CG Smoothers BB Cream

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Who has time for 11 steps of serums and balms on the regular — if ever — with  a kid on their arm? No one. CoverGirl CG Smoothers are for Moms who've mastered the art of multitasking, and expect the same from their makeup. Available in three shade (fair to light, light to medium, and medium to dark), the product offers 10 skincare benefits in every tube, such as sheer color, 24-hour hydration, SPF-21, correction, and more. Plus, you know if it's CoverGirl, it's going to be easy-breezy to apply, and beautiful on the skin.

Olay Color + Correction CC Cream


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The award for most aesthetically pleasing drugstore tinted moisturizer definitely goes to Olay. Be sure to stash the Total Effects CC Cream at the back of your vanity or bathroom cabinet, though — babies love anything that swirls and twirls, and this moisturizer-serum duo has a whole lot of curly appeal packed in this bottle. Not only does Olay's tinted moisturizer look fun, it feels fantastic on the skin. Plus, it's formulated to reduce fine lines and wrinkles. You know, the ones no one told you come with the many "perks" of being a mom.

BalmShelter Tinted Moisturizer

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The Balm's entire branding radiates swag, and the BalmShelter Tinted Moisturizer is no exception. The Balm adheres to a "beauty in five minutes" philosophy, so you don't have to spend hours (that you don't have) in front of the mirror. This tinted moisturizer comes in seven different shades, is breathable, buildable, spreads on easy, and is compatible with all skin types. Now that's the balm.

Tinted Moisturizer Broad Spectrum

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I realize that any extra cash lying around probably goes toward baby dues these days, but Mom, you do so much for your fam, that I don't think anyone would disagree: You deserve to treat yourself. Laura Mercier's Tinted Moisturizer Broad Spectrum formula in  the ultimate indulgence . Available in a range of shades from Porcelain to Mocha, the balm features a unique, antioxidant-vitamin complex to ward off free radicals and aggressive environmental stressors. Its source of hydration, sodium hyaluronate, also works to soften fine, dry lines. No worries if you clocked in just a few hours of sleep the night before. No one will ever know.

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The post 10 Drugstore Tinted Moisturizers That Save You Money And Mirror Time appeared first on Scary Mommy.

Hilary Duff Gets Majorly Mom-Shamed For Piercing Her Baby’s Ears

Posted: 03 Jul 2019 12:24 PM PDT

Ear piercing is a very divisive issue among moms, it seems

Proud mama Hilary Duff loves to share the sweetest photos of her two children, and we love her for her honesty. She probably wasn’t expecting any backlash, however, when she recently posted an innocent photo of her 8-month-old daughter — wearing earrings. The mom-shamers came out in full force to let Duff know what they thought about her daughter’s ears being pierced.

You wouldn’t think the below photo would be prime for controversy, but here we are:

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Mama and 🍓 📷 @matthewkoma

A post shared by Hilary Duff (@hilaryduff) on

Her followers instantly noticed that baby Banks has her ears pierced — and many of them are not happy about it. She later confirmed via a now-deleted Instagram story that she and her fiancé did, in fact, pierce Banks’ ears.

Bring in the droves of mom-shamers.

The ear-piercing debate has been a hot topic for a while now. Some moms feel that a child should be old enough to consent when it comes to body modifications and make their own choices. Which is totally fair and makes sense. Other moms figure, “It hurts for a second and earrings are cute, so why not?” And that is also fine. Because ear piercing, while totally valid on the age/consent issue, is not the equivalent of child abuse. And you also have the choice to just…not do it, if it’s not right for you and your family.

And we don’t need to make Hilary Duff or any other mom who chooses to pierce their child’s ears feel guilty or shameful about that decision.

Now onto the other matter — the mall vs. tattoo shops. Piercing places at the local mall have been a staple for many of us for decades. It’s where I got my first two ear piercings done, and it was fine. No infections, nothing. But that’s not the case for every person who gets their ears pierced. Many people are opting to take their kids to tattoo shops to get their ears pierced now.

Why? Because tattoo shops use sterile needles. Piercing shops at the mall use guns that can’t be properly or thoroughly sanitized. According to the Association of Professional Piercers, piercing with a needle is much safer than the guns used in many jewelry stores and mall kiosks.

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Team work. #BodyElectricTattoo #BrianKeithThompson

A post shared by Brian Keith Thompson (@bodyelectrictattoo) on

While we don’t know for sure where or how Hilary Duff’s daughter came to have her bejeweled ears, can we all just agree that going on and on about “inflicting pain” and “crying and screaming” is unnecessary to do to any mom?

TODAY consulted a pediatrician about the issue, and here’s what he had to say: “I don’t have a good reason to say that parents can’t have a baby’s ears pierced,” he said. “Caring for an infant with pierced ears is no different than caring for another child, except (in a baby’s case) it’s up to the parent to care for (the child’s ears).”

The post Hilary Duff Gets Majorly Mom-Shamed For Piercing Her Baby’s Ears appeared first on Scary Mommy.

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